Many years ago..almost 24 years to be exact…I fell in love and felt that love reciprocated…After of 14 months of “love”, we had a huge argument/misunderstanding which ended our relationship without a formal goodbye…
Years later, thanks or no thanks to facebook…I am again reunited with he who was/is the love of my life. He tells me that he never forgot me and that I am and always will be the love of his life….We start a “relationship” again….but he is a different person now..selfish…calls when he feels like it…writes when he feels like it…in the start, everything was rosie…now it seems full of thorns…
He is basically again, throwing me away..without an explanation…without a formal good bye…why can’t he just tell me goodbye and put a closure to this circle of pain…when I was a teenager, i tried killing myself due to what happened with him…today, i feel the same pain again and I am ready to end it all….It seems like it is all a re-run of the past..I am so tired of faking a smile when in the inside I want to be hit by lightning…At night, i twist and turn for my sleep is no where to be found…in the day, I close all the blinds and tell my little boy to come back to bed because mommy isn’t ready to get up…I no longer have the desire to “fancy” myself up….nope, just a ponytail and wash my teeth..nothing more…
Many may see this as a cry for help, but it really isn’t…I know what I need to do…I just need to get it all in order so that I don’t leave so many burdens to those around me….and of course, I need to choose the correct method so that I actually succeed.
When I am gone, it will be said that I died due to a “broken heart” not due to suicide…I truly understand all of those who choose to take their own lives..I truly do understand…
4 comments
You shouldnt be killing yourself over one guy hun. I think its not worth it at all. Why leave so many things behind cause of that one guy. I had my heart broken hard over my first love and look at me now im still here and didnt kill myself over him. To tell you the truth… he was also depress about the break-up and he was the one who wanted to end it. I guess :L…. whats the point. Whats the point of being heartbroken when you can find someone else better. I have and i love him. We both know we wouldnt leave each other. I know he is there for me for my suicide times and still is today. Four more days and we would had been together for three months. But think about it. Why kill yourself when you could find someone else. It will take time but try to do other things to get it out your mind. I did that and look at me. Suicidal over different things and have the love of my life with me. Please dont die over someone. Please dont leave your child here to face the world on his/hers own. They need you here. :L I know i cant change your mind but at least i try v- v
These things happen. When my parents split up when i was 4 and my father got extremely depressed, he carried on because of his kids and now, he’s perfectly fine 🙂
I know the feeling all to well. My relationship just ended we were best friends for 6 yrs before and we dated for almost 2. It’s the real kind of love the kind that will always be apart of you. You said you went through it before and you obviously survived it then and you were more emotionally involved then i assume then now. You can make it through this as well and now you know that he isn’t someone you can be with. I hope that you see the light you have a child who needs you faults and all. We are human we make mistakes we grow from them. Life is hard people are so cruel but you are stronger then all of it you just need to believe that and focus on the fact that you have a child a piece of you, you stayed alive and you were able to have that child.
I know what you are going through. I had the love of my life suddenly walk out on me with no goodbye or anything 3 weeks ago. My life is empty now and I dont see a reason to live.