So I have been having some bad days. I don’t mean like the day was bad, but for some random reason I started to feel sad, depressed, not hungry, and I don’t know why. Everything was going good and it just randomly started to get worst. The worst part is that I feel alone. And yes I see a bunch of people around school and places I go, but I still feel so alone and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. And to make it worst is that I am always wearing a mask because I fear that if I showed how I truly felt, then people would judge me. So on the outside of me I am the calm, happy, and brave person, but that’s just to hide my true feelings and thoughts. On the inside I am sad, depressed, and lonely; and I don’t show how I feel because of the fear of reactions. So now I feel like I am on an island where I am all alone. Right now I have my mask on of being happy, but I am staving my self and I’m tired, but no one knows that I am and they just think I health and I didn’t get enough sleep. I am just having of living 2 with 2 different faces.
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5 comments
I kinda understand what you feel like. I feel I am living a double life, 1: Who is not me, who seems to be perfect, and make people happy and always makes sure to do what others want me to. 2: Who is me, who I have to hide, who always fucks up but seems to make sure no one finds out. Me who is hurting. I get it.
Thanks, I am glad I am not alone.
Very relatable. It’s common amongst people like us to feature two versions of ourselves. That is the best defense we have against the judgement of others. People are just terrible. They find out that you are sad and all that say is “grow up”. They find out you are scared and call you weak. Our modern world is still so very primitive and no one but us have what it takes to both realize and accept it for what it is.
I completely agree with you.
I’m the same way too, and I have a family that loves me and I still have bad thoughts. It has probably been advised before, but going to a therapist and shrink has really helped me. It may take a few of them before you find the right connection.