äI’m about to tell some random strangers the story of my shitty life. I’m 17. So my birth mom was schizophrenic and bipolar. She couldn’t take care of me properly so I got put in foster care. Due to my birth moms mental health issues I suffered from neglect. I wasn’t able to talk till I was three years old. After that, I got adopted by a couple. However, the man who was supposed to be my father ending up molesting me. He had also molested two other people in his past. I first started to have suicidal thoughts at the age of twelve. When I was 14, I got the closest I have ever been to killing myself. My mom used to take ambian so I had a whole bottle of those in my hand, however for some reason I put them back. My eighth grade year I was being bullied pretty bad. I remember what’s the use of living if you’re ugly? No one will want to be friends with you if you’re ugly. Last year, (my junior year) there were days I couldn’t even get up and go to school. However this year has been so bad I been thinking about killing myself. I’ve looked in to hanging. Partial suspension seems like the way to go because if I’m still struggling after 30 seconds, all I have to do is stand up. I would have already killed myself but I’m afraid of a couple things. One being that I fail and end up a paraplegic for the rest of my life. Another being that I go to hell, however hell might not be as bad as here. I’m not afraid of the pain anymore, I just really don’t want to live. I go to work everyday and people always fuck with me because I’m always happy and I almost seem like a dumb blonde. Have you ever seen the office? I’m pretty much like Erin. I wish people knew how much I was struggling. I asked my mom if I could go to counseling but it’s 140$ a session because they don’t take Medicaid. So I can only go once a month. I’m making a promise to try what I can before I kill myself and hopefully succeed. I tried the lifeline crisis chat but it kept freezing and wouldn’t go through. I might try calling tomorrow but I’m afraid to be judged. I feel so alone. We move around a lot, I’ve gone to four different high schools so I have never known what it’s like to have any friends. Everyone thinks I’m super happy but I’m dying inside. Literally. Obsessions by Marina and the Diamonds really does a good job of explaining how I feel everyday. Every day I pray to god to give me someone to talk to but he never does. I think I was just born to suffer.
8 comments
If you want to talk, text, whatever, please let me know.
You have had it rough. If you can get through it, you can turn it into strength. It never feels like it in the moment so venting and connecting with others lost in darkness is a good step. Don’t stop
I could really use someone to talk to.
NyBSfP @ gmail – send me a number or your email and I will send mine.
I feel u I’m ready to end it life has officially killed me living is death and death would. Be living again cuz I’m in hell now
I would have had a better life had I been put in foster care so you are lucky
The office is a terrible show though and you haven’t seen a bad life according to your post.
Oh I didn’t read the part of you being molested. Just “happy at work” and “giddy”
Sorry about that that is really terrible. If I were you I would run far far away so you never have to see that man again
Hey I hope your feeling better by now that’s tough if you need someone to talk to my email is Rustem226 @gmail.com