I attempted suicide on January 1st, 2018 by overdose. I had swallowed about 15 benadryl and eaten 7 or so tums, and continued to consume them. My throat felt dry and I was crying harshly. I was messaging a few people, but one person continued to message me. They were urging me to drink water, wake someone up, and get someone. I felt sleepy, and my legs were heavy. When I tried to stand up, I felt really dizzy. I woke my grandparents, and was rushed to the emergency room. It wasn’t very severe, but I was in and out of consciousness. In the hospital, I was being told to keep breathing. I wasn’t aware at the time, but I would stop breathing at times. After a while, I was driven to a mental ward where I was kept for 8 days. It didn’t help. The meds I take don’t help, and recently I’ve been…
…Choking myself with a homemade noose and scratching my arms with a mechanical pencil(it does more damage than you think). The rope is thin, but it still hurts. I haven’t tried hanging myself yet, but I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid that I will try.
I was officially diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
2 comments
I’m sorry to hear. With every story of somehow ending up in a psych-ward there’s oftentimes a mental health journey leading up to it whether it be a result of outside influences (other people and/events) or by ones inside (your mental programming). Often the case is that it isn’t any fault of your own
With the above said it sounds like you have support on some level. I don’t know your situation personally (obviously) but I do offer support, as much as can be had.
I can tell you I’ve had my own mental health matters which I won’t get into. Understand though that I appreciate what you’re going through mentally, at least to some degree. I’ve personally never been admitted to hospital but should have.
My sincere hope is that on some level you are able to find peace in this world without leaving it. At least do your best to wait out your mental storm, accept support, and be open with your thoughts and feelings.
And of course don’t hesitate to post on here. You’re in company of *people who know* a little of what you’re up against
God I hate that because you want to be successful in the attempt but then someone finds you and thinks oh maybe you want saved or let me just cut this rope before the suicide dies
Usually you aren’t fully prepared and then you are forced to ask for help when you don’t realize how painful some methods are