“I’m a sociopath….there’s not much he can do for me.” – Dexter tv series
This is what’s really been bugging me for the last year or so(i dunno, time is funny when you’re on drugs). I’m a sociopath/psychopath of some kind and coming to this realization has made it really hard to live the way I used to.
It seems like, now, I spend every minute of every day depressed because I know what I am and it saddens me to know I’ll never have the normal life I want. I always figured that I’d grow out of this, whatever it was but now…
“There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.” – http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
I really don’t have the desire to change myself and be “normal”. There’s something wrong with “normal” people and I really don’t want to add that defect onto my pile. I just feel all the more depressed after reading that web page. Maybe it’s the pot making me paranoid but now that I know what type of person I am, why I use people the way I do and have no moral coding, I fee like everybody knows. As if they can smell the difference between me and some other human body.
Yes, I did publish several recordings detailing my wicked ways for all of the people in my world to listen to. I let them know, in great detail, that I’m not like them, that I’m angry and depressed and just want to die. I’m positive nobody bothered to listen but in my mind, they all did. I put it on the internet so it’s like the world knows me now.
Before I got so entrenched into my studying of psychological disorders, I could be who I was without issue. I wasn’t aware that my behavior and thinking was textbook sociopath. Now I question every move I make, every thought. Am I doing this or that for the right reason or because of the type of person I am?
I don’t have real problems because I don’t have a real life. Despite how much effort I put in for a different result, I always seem to end up in situations that benefit my inner sociopath. Surrounded by succulent simians for me to leech off of and use whenever I like.
I keep myself in this job because my co-workers all coddle me and treat me like the office baby. I say I hate it and I feel the negative emotion that goes along with it, but at the same time I love it. It’s all I want, for people to treat me that way.
I don’t have a drivers license, girlfriend/wife, house, debt, children, money.. I’m 25 but don’t really live an adult life or have interest in doing so. I can’t help how I feel, can’t help but want what I want. I don’t want to be this way but I’m a slave to myself. I can talk myself into anything.
What it all comes down to is that I’m miserable here, on this Earth, and that justifies everything I do. “Why shouldn’t I lie or this or that? I’m so unhappy. Don’t I deserve a bit of happiness?” I really don’t deserve anything because I don’t work for anything. I let others work for me..
I want a wife, house in the burbs with a white picket fence, .5 children, dog, cat, duck, huge backyard for my garden, and a job that brings home the bacon. I want normal things but… ugh.. not willing to work/don’t know how, and I’m not good enough con my way into that life.
What else is there for me, really, besides suicide/death? I started reading the Satanic Bible and even LaVey says I’m hopeless, that I’m a waste of space. I’m not suicidal by choice but because it’s the only logical conclusion.
5 comments
Being not “normal” (or ‘mainstream’ in society) is always hard,
doesn’t matter if you’re a sociopath, a bipolar, an ADD/ADHD adult (like myself), a mystic, and many other “un-normal” types.
But though being a sociopath and living a harder life is one thing, yet it doesn’t always mean you’ll have no chance of happiness, ‘success’, and/or even having similar like-minded friends who do share and can relate/understand you. In fact, it could be a signal o beingf “gifted” (like the cases of bipolar and ADD/ADHD) and thus it simply means that u DON’T HAVE to follow the boring, mundane “normal” path…because it’s not you.
If along human/mankind’s history, there are indeed some examples of people having disabilities, and yet they CAN succeed and even not only befriend but also touch and inspire hundreds and thousands of souls and hearts in this vast world,.then perhaps the possibility to keep Living, for you, is still there..no matter how ‘small’ it may seem right now…cuz things do change, sometimes. We never know what the future, and Life, will do to us..
Hot girl soul. I would stick it up her and love.
No i would not nike I’m just pissed. World.
by definition a sociopath feels no remorse, sociopaths do not question the moral correctness of ANYTHING they do, they don’t consider ANYONE at all, they don’t go on suicide chats and talk to people. you are misanthropic, but not a sociopath. I studied psychiatric philopies for a while too but bear in mind.. these are just philosophies drempt up by some dude sitting around smoking pot like you and they dont apply to everyone.
@tast right .