Darkness

I feel like giving up, I do not want to feel this emotion over and over again. I don’t know who I am anymore, I feel so alone even when I am around my friends. I don’t like to be around them anymore, I just want to be alone!!!! I am supposed to be grateful to be alive but I don’t even want to breathe another second. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself, I tried to love myself but I really hate myself. I can’t keep up with a smile for 9 hours at work and cry the whole night, I can’t cut, I can’t kill myself and it hurts me even more deep inside because its a whole fucking mess in my head. It is always so noisy! All these voices in my head i just can’t keep them away, I am loosing myself and my sanity! I need help but how do u help someone who can’t be save