No life is perfect- I know that very well.
Im from a broken family but at an early age of 5 I have no choice but to accept reality.
I’ve always been a good daughter (at least that’s what I believe). I studied hard for my mom because I know how hard it is for her to raise us, I dont want her to be disappointed in me so I always tried my best in school and promise myself to help her when I graduate.
Now, it’s been a year since I graduated from college. I already found a job right after graduating but I thought I wasnt ready enough so I resigned immediately. 2018 came and I found another job, but things seems not right. I was so confused, I can’t even think straight, there’s a lot of things going on in my head. I attempted to kill myself but I really got frightened after doing that. I want to believe that life is beautiful, that there’s always a tomorrow but I really feel that I dont belong here anymore. I want to disappear, I want to be forgetten by people as if I never existed. I dont know what to think anymore.
I already seek assistance to a psychiatrist, I consulted every month but I dont think it helps (sure it does, just a little and for the mean time tho). I felt relieved at first but now? Not anymore. The thoughts of dying is with me again as if it’s hunting me even in my sleep. Im so tired. I just want to rest my mind. I just hope to sleep and never wake up.
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4 comments
Sorry to hear that psychiatrist isn’t seeming to help.
Is there any way they could set you up with a regular counselor (someone to see you weekly?)
Hopefully you can discuss a route for better care with your psych.
Actually, I’ve consulted a counselor before going to a psychiatrist. I even consulted a psychologist too. But the thing is, it’s as if I already know what they’re going to say to me so i dont feel comforted at all.
Is the parenthesis (sure it does just a little for the meantime) said in your psychiatrists voice because she has you brainwashed? Because you yourself at first said it didn’t help, at all.
Just something I pick up from your writing. Just a thought.
It’s just what i think tho, I feel like going to a psychiatrist will only help me for a short period of time and this depression doesnt even have a cure coz it will surely come back.