back again. and i wasn’t gone for long. i just realized and somehow accepted the fact that i just wanna die. i mean it’s like i’m not empty anymore, but i feel just the sadness. and it just took one thing to switch my feels. i don’t wanna fight anymore i just want to go… and i’m scared that these feelings aren’t real that i’m just faking it. i mean they feel real, but i’m scared that society will be like umm she’s faking it she just wants attention… i’m tired of it all. i want to sleep but can’t, i want to love myself but i have no positive thoughts for my body, i want to be loved but i don’t love myself, i want to feel real things not just to imagine how they feel… i want to know what love is, i’ve been in love a lot i ‘d say, but the feeling was only one way… am i not good enough, i’ve been asking myself a lot – now i just don’t even care why no one’s been in love with me yet… i even accepted the fact i’ll die alone. so in conclusion, if i can’t feel good things and will never experience love, why would i hang on to life?
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It doesn’t matter if these feelings are “real” or not. They haunt you, me, other people. So they are freaking real.! To whoever says they aren’t: You don’t get to decide how much pain a person is supposed to feel. I can relate to this. I don’t remember if I’ve ever loved myself. If you’re capable to love, someone will be able to love you back. Someday.
Unless one is smart, skilled, talented, popular and financially stable, with a good support system to help with the tough times… Then life isn’t worth living.
Since I have almost nothing on that list… I will not be living much longer.
Life is so cruel in how unequal it is.