my family and friends: I know they love and want the best for me. They all support me and try to cater to my bipolar insanity as much as they can. They’re always there for me when I need them. I have a great group of people at my disposal but the problem is me; I don’t care.
I think about myself laying lifeless after whatever suicide method I finally choose and it doesn’t bother to think of all the tears that’ll be shed or the hundreds of people that would go to my funeral.
I know I’m loved, I really do know. But I feel wrong, incompatible, not like them. I don’t have the same unconditional love to give out. The history I have with some people rarely plays a factor in how I treat them.
I’m a psychopath and they’ll never understand. They think I’m just quirky and eccentric but it’s much worse than that. They don’t know, I tried to tell them but they didn’t understand. I’m no good for them, they can’t help me; there’s no helping someone that doesn’t believe anything is wrong.
I’m depressed because I know how alone I am. Everyone around me is tame, neutered, part of the herd, incapable of seeing the ties that bind. Either that or they’re aware but try to pray away every problem.
Lonely sub-criminal psychopath. Who is there to spend time with the way that I enjoy spending it: laughing at the misfortune of others, viddying ultra violence on the movie screen and smoking green stogies, crassly conversing about all that’s effed up about the world, wandering, sensation seeking…
Where are my true friends, family and lover? Penitentiaries? Insane asylums? Probably. How do I find the ones that have managed to slip through the cracks as I have?
5 comments
So, you are wild, untamed, above the herd, slipped through the cracks and see through the bullshit and yet you stand there passively waiting for a mirror you to come and justify your existence.
Nothing wrong with that picture?
what else is there to do? Stick my arms into the bucket of dirty syringes and hope that I grab onto something worthwhile eventually? That’s why I’m asking what to do next. You seem smart because you’re trying to get me to think about what I’m saying but you need to re-read what I read or don’t contribute
I’m far from an expert, i have problems myself too, but i want to help people, and i tihnk i have an abillity to understand people too.
You are a crazy person. But lets put that in perspective from another point of view.
Lets say you are the normal one, that would make everyone else the crazy ones.
The reason you think you are the crazy one is because in our world there exist a norm, a way you are expected to behave and act, you are unlike that, as such you are the one that seems crazy.
I don’t know you personally so some of what i say is guess work, but take it as an attempt to help. likea guideline from someone who think he understands, not an answear.
The people around you care about you, but you don’t care about them.
I think that is because that the normal person cares for thier friends under any circumstance.
while for you, a guess, you don’t care because they are not your friends, they are the people that are around you. you are probably very different from them, so you do not understand each other, so what i think you need is to find someone who is more like you and who you can lable “friend” or maybe rather lable that person an understander. someone who is “crazy” like you are.
And i would like to add i don’t think you are crazy, just different.
But as a totally unrelated advice and suggestion, try to stop being criminal and such, if you feel the way you do, and start doing things that are down rigth bad, i fear how your life may end up.
I hope i was any help at all
it sounds like you lack a conscience. what do you think of that, in itself? is it good to not have a conscience? or bad? do you prefer to not have a conscience? did you ever have a conscience?
i would be happy to talk with you if you’d email me (please see my username)
Are you really a psychopath? ie incapable of feeling human emotion? If this is true, that is tough, there really is little room in society for you. First things first: you have to talk to a shrink about this, and determine whether you are truly a psychopath, and if this is reversible. I wouldn’t be too worried about being committed etc, if you have no violent history there’s no reason to commit you.
It’s fine for you to get your outlet passively, by watching twisted videos etc, but does this feed your violent tendencies to the point where you might actually do something violent to yourself/others?
If at any stage you think you might be in danger of hurting yourself or others, I urge you, PLEASE inform the police and check yourself into the psych ward. You may feel/watch whatever you like, but if it gets to the point where you are thinking about actively inflicting violence on another, that is a line you have crossed and you must check yourself in.
If you were using the term ‘psychopath’ metophorically, you can disregard all of that.