I can’t handle being real right now. Why does it never go away? What am I doing wrong? I feel so pathetic and stupid. I’m at my best friends house right now and she went back to sleep. It’s too quiet. I don’t even deserve friends. I’m acting like a child. I think I’m needing the distraction because it’s too quiet but I can’t right now and I’m not waking her up. I don’t belong here. Or anywhere. I just feel so out of place. I can’t deal with my thoughts, they just continuously circle until I lose my mind. It would be better if everyone got away from me. My rotted vile self. What is wrong with me right now. I was alright last night with my friend – we watched videos and I got to laugh everything off for awhile. I feel stuck. Silent screams. There’s a lot I don’t want to think about or accept or anything right now. When did I become so weak in handling my thoughts and feelings? It’s too quiet. I like quiet, but it’s near silent. All I can hear are my thoughts and the typing on this laptop. I hate it. I want it all to go away. I don’t deserve people to care about me. I can’t ever shut the fuck up even though everyone is going through much worse and yet they’re trying to help me because they feel obligated or really are kind until they get too tired because I’m a hopeless selfish fuck and just ahhhhafhg I can’t fucking do it anymore.
What is this? God it never fucking stops.