Next week everything is due. I’m beyond fucked. Both projects are absolutly no where near finished. For the first project I really screwed up. I basically sandbagged my partner several times that kept the project from going. He would probably have gotten more done if I didn’t insist that I could get it done. He also has two other projects to work on.
For the second project, I rolled the worst dice imaginable with my partners. One of them is an “influencer” getting paid to make “content” so he can’t do fuck all. The other just kind of sits there waiting to be told what to do. I can’t direct him every step of the way while I’m working. I’m not going to make him work on this project. He has to take the intiative. I’m not particularly mad about it. I can only control my actions, not other people’s. If this project fails, it’s on me.
I misplaced my laptop charger and had to go buy one at best buy. Ubered there when it opened up. When I found out last night I was furious. Ofcourse something like this had to happen now. I was cursing God. Giving the finger to just the general air around me. Fucking prick has screwed me my entire existance.
I can’t do all nighters. I can’t. I know if I do it several times in the span of a week, I will become hypomanic. Probably manic after that. I’ll be damned if I spend my birthday in a fucking center.
Even now I am procrastinating. I just needed to get somethings off my chest. I don’t know if this is going to work. I don’t know if anything is going to work out. I’m scared. My heart feels tight. But I will just have to accept whatever comes.
4 comments
can you talk to your professors about your challenges, or department head? Sometimes they can adjust given circumstances
I’d also look into whatever office of accomodation your school has, talk to them about your medical history, and their entire job is to make sure that conditions are adjusted so as not to put you in medical risk.
Heh, irony being today I got the notice that it is the end of semester at the school I didn’t go to grad at. Hopefully yours is more like where I did my undergrad than that one.
I suppose so, but I’m only in this position due to extreme procrastination. If I was diligent, I wouldn’t need to pull all nighters. I’ve only got myself to blame.
Yeah I remember you mentioned you got fucked by the financial department. Something about how they promised it would be paid for but it never ended up that way.
I would make an honest, heartfelt apology to the guy from your first project. It’s important that you forgive yourself for that. Good outcomes cannot come about from negative ruminations.
The second project is a different story. They owe YOU the apology, and since you probably won’t get one and the ship is sinking anyway, I’d be very tempted to intentionally sabotage the project as a big “Fuck You”. But…there might be better options than that, lol.
I’d take Heartlessviking’s idea to heart and talk to someone about project 2.
It can’t hurt to ask about Extra Credit opportunities, either.
I definitely intend to give the guy an apology and a thank you for working with me. Maybe more casually than I should, but I’ll still do it.
Like I said I don’t really care if they don’t help out. Can’t make them do what I want. Apparently the 2nd guy has actually made progress after I promted him for a status update.
Not intrested in getting special treatment cause of my bipolar. I get there are medical exceptions for a reason, but there’s no reason I can’t manage mine on my own.