My mood lately has been up and down. But I came to a breakthrough. I don’t want to kill myself anymore (unless I’m feeling real down then the thoughts come back) but overall I don’t. I realize I’m going to die one day anyways so I’ll deal with all the crap til I do. Cause 80 years really isn’t that long (if i’m that lucky).
I still feel like shit, try not to think about what a failure I am but it’s very apparent in my life so not thinking about it or being aware is hard to do.
Momz is irritating once again trying to intervene in my life. She gets upset at me because I don’t do my hair the way she likes it. But w.e.
*rolls eyes* back in school, I didn’t miss it one bit.
Still broke. LOL Have no idea how I am going to get to school for the next four weeks. Anybody want to buy a 17inch computer monitor for $100.
I really want to delete all the people from my old school off my FB, so I don’t have to be reminded about what I fucked up.
What would really make me feel better is if I had a job. Then I will feel like I’m doing something with myself. But just like most places it’s like trying to find bacon in a chicken bucket. (yeah i just made that up).
5 comments
Oh yeah. I am bi-curious and have a online gf. She just told me she has cancer. And my BF-ish just told me he got out of jail. Like wow.
Ah the mood rollercoaster – fun times… Well glad to hear you don’t want to kill yourself anymore, that’s good.
Controlling your thoughts really does change your attitude and mood. Don’t think about yourself as a failure. Try to think what you can do with yourself now – as usual “Past is the past”, no changing it so might as well try to make now and the future better. Maybe use things that you count as failures as motivation or as a lesson for yourself.
If you don’t mind me asking – why do you think you’re a failure?
How did you normally get to school? Since you seem to need money for it. Yea school sucks, but hey that’s school ha.
If you want to start anew and all the friends on your FB aren’t really your “friends” – then yea. How do your friends remind you of the failure? Or is the fact they’re at your old school?
Yea jobs are good at getting your mind off things and giving you something to do. Haha, I like your analogy. Well hopefully you can find yourself a job – it may be tough but apply everywhereeeee. Anywho – good luck with it all. ( Doubt that was all very helpful – so my bad… )
Also sorry to hear your gf has cancer :/ Hope she pulls through.
As for the bf: Got out of jail…? Hm. I guess that’s good? Hope he wasn’t in for anything too serious – otherwise I’d question that relationship
I feel like I’m a failure cause I fucked up everything I had. Now I’m at the bottom of the barrel praying for scraps. To be remotely useful in my home I have to get on the county. There’s nothing wrong with the county per se but I have a personal bias toward it when it involves me.
My BF-ish likes to do dumb shit like walk out on his denny bill and they took him and two of our friends to jail for three days. They are only 18-19. He say he learned his lesson.
Our relationship is weird anywyas. We barely talk and see eachother even though i saw him for new years. we went to the movies and he fell asleep but he paid for my movie ticket (first time guy ever paid for something for me).
And for some reason I keep getting into relationships with younger people. BF is 18, started dating him when he was 17 3/4. I’m 20. My online gf is 17. I feel a lil creepy bout it but we click. Being careful with her though so I don’t get in trouble. Plus she young and that scares me cause she may not be mature enough to handle a relationship btwn us. But its better to have been loved then to not have loved at all.
The whole cancer thing scares me. She has been having alot of health problems and I’m worried, i really hope nothing happens to her.
Mmm :/ Well we all make our mistakes. A lot of people have fucked up plenty of things in their lives. Though I understand( and relate ) to your situation. Just have to keep an eye out for things to do – to remove yourself of that “useless” feeling. There will be things in the future, just have to play a boring game of waiting. ( Am I being stupid or misreading – “county” ? )
Ah, well that’s not too bad – but yes that is dumb shit. At least he learned his lesson – hopefully. Wow he fell asleep? nice. Well at least he bought your ticket – that’s good. Jeez what has happened to chivalry? Can’t believe that’s the first time, other guys must have been jerks…
Nothing wrong with younger. A 2-3 year difference isn’t that bad anyhow. I’m glad you click, and you know there are limits. There is a maturity thing, but you’d be surprised by some people – and if she’s fighting through cancer I think she’s becoming mature fast. She seems to be lucky to have you as a gf – you care and worry about her. I hope nothing happens to her either, so I wish her luck – bet she’s strong – and has you.
Aye – better to have been loved than not to have at all.