I have kind of an odd question.
First, let me preface that question with a little information. I have smoked on and off for the last three years. For the last year or so, it’s mostly been on. The reason I started was because I figured that it could replace some of my less-than-desirable hobbies (ie, cutting and burning myself). And surprisingly, it worked. That’s not to say I don’t still harm myself, but it’s definitely less often then before. I think it may be the combination of the calming effects of smoking and the fact that it is just a different (albiet long-term) means of self-harm.
My question is, is smoking really any better than what I was doing before?
I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with as many scars (or the subsequent questions that usually follow). But I don’t like the idea that I may have started smoking as a means to suicide. Even if it does take many years to work.
Would it be better to quit smoking and avoid the long term health problems? I would think it would be easier to answer such a simple question if I didn’t have the urge to take a razor to my arm every time I go too long without a cigarette.
So…. yeah
Any thoughts?
~Ashley
6 comments
You need something else, I mean, of course they’re both bad but, a hobby, you know? I dont know if this is going to help, but like try painting or something you can put your mind on. It’s a pretty basic anwser but I hope it might help a little
Yes, it’s an odd question. 🙂
I think I would agree with you, that smoking is better than cutting and/or burning. Suicide by smoking would take decades, and nearly nobody thinks of smoking in those terms. And not everyone dies from smoking. My father is 70, and has smoked all of his life. He has a touch of emphysema, but it doesn’t rise to the threat level that his prostate or skin cancers have. Neither the abscess in his brain that came from a freak strep infection, or the virus that killed off a quarter of his heart didn’t come from smoking either. My grandfather smoked for decades, but he died from the glass dust he inhaled from 30 years of working at PPG in the glass polishing facility.
Suicide is more about the present than the future.
David V
The problem with taking up smoking specifically in this way is that it is more than just habit-forming – it becomes a ritual and you become dependent on the ritual. So it’s more than just a habit and would be very difficult to stop if you changed your mind later, much more difficult than just kicking a nicotine addiction because you’re emotionally dependent on it.
Also, you said you had asthma as a child – smoking and asthma do not mix – you could very well develop breathing problems, quite early on.
If it is not smoking it is going to be something.
I’d suggest trying to move from smoking eventually to something less threatening to your health.
Maybe Sudoku, logic puzzles, or something similar that keeps the mind entangled.
As long as you can handle daily priorities and still keep your habit you will be fine.
You are thinking that cause you smoke it will speed up your departure which is in no way true-unless you enjoy the vice, it just makes breathing harder.
Best thing you can do is focus on something that allows you to be happy, puts a smile on your face…you know? What’s with the cutting and burning? Can you take up boxing or channel your energy outward or into something without putting the hurt on you?
You seem like a really nice person and you’re using your faculties against yourself and you know better….lol.
Thank you all for your responses. You’ve given me a few things to think about.
@action- I understand what you’re saying. I have tried taking up hobbies. I paint, draw, write, and I dabble a bit in photography. But it just doesn’t seem to be enough. I guess I just haven’t found the right hobbie/distraction just yet?
@porphyrous- First of all, I’m sorry about your grandfather. 🙁 Secondly, What you said, “Suicide is more about the present than the future”. That’s quite a thought-provoking sentence. I’m not quite sure what it means to me yet, but you’ve definitely left me wondering.
@causeway- Ironically, I think I may be developing such rituals before the actual nicotine dependency. And also, I had asthma when I was younger, but it hasn’t been a problem in ages. I haven’t had an attack in almost seven years. And it’s been nearly five years since I’ve even needed to use my inhaler. I realise that doesn’t mean I won’t get breathing problems early on, but that’s honestly just an excuse I use to make me feel better. :/
@U.N. Owen- First of all, I *LOVE* Sudokus, logic puzzles, and really any kind of brain teaser. I do them almost everyday. I think, however, that it probably doesn’t help that I smoke while doing them, huh?
@softsoul- What’s with the cutting and burning? I can’t really rememmber the first time I hurt myself, but it was sometime around the fourth or fifth grade. I guess I started doing it to make myself feel better (fat lot of sense that makes). Now? After so many years? Even though I’ve cut down on the amount, it’s still just kind of a part of my life. And as for what you said about finding something to focus on, like I said above, I have hobbies-quite a few of them actually. But when you mentioned boxing it made me realise two things about almost every single one of my hobies;
1. They mostly entail me sitting at a desk, perched over some project or book. There’s no real physical activity, no excersize (which I know is supposedly a good thing for a depressed person to do)
and 2. they all are very lonely endeavors.
The obvious solution to these two problems would be to get involved with some sort of team sport (or something like that), but there’s a problem there. Because of certain physical limitations, I can’t really run, jump, or even walk moderately long distances. I played soccer for nearly a decade before I was injured. And I loved it, but now I can barely jog across the width of a soccer field without feeling like I need a heavy painkiller.
~Ashley