Old hag

I’m 32 years old. I have a good job and an even better spouse. I have thought about suicide everyday since I was about 6 years old. I have been sexually abused and raped. These things are far in the past. However, I HATE it when people blow smoke up each other’s butts all day and ignore any real feelings. I hate facebook because 1)I can’t stop 2) it has ruined my relationship with family members. I don’t feel like trying anymore and I certainly can NOT take another goddamn therapist or psychiatrist. I always feel WORSE after meeting with them because they say the same tired BS over and over…Here, take some pills, go exercise, draw a picture of your feelings… I’ve taken the pills, I work out like a fuckin ox and I’m too good of an artist for them to do anything but congratulate me on my talent. I’m SO sick of being alive and trying to fit in to a society that constantly tells me I’m wrong.In my teens and twenties I tried so hard to change those systems, but now I realize here’s no changing anything. People are assholes. The worst ones are in charge and they always will be. I’m tired. I’m sick of pretending and I wish a fuckin asteroid would hit my house right now so I don’t have to worry about it anymore.