FUCK:(

So i dont know its been a couple of days since i decided im going to stop hurting myself. I havent failed. But my emotions are everywhere. Im a mess. I just want to die, i havent thought how id do it, but last night i dreamt i hung myself. And i felt the almost life draining out of me in my dream. It was amazing, i felt relieved. Then i woke up, and im still alive, thinking to myself, i wanna die. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to leave all my loved ones :'( i dont know what to do anymore. If I dont cut i dont have anything to relieve myself. Fuck.