i am a mixed raced 16 year old, who is handsome good hearted popular everything a teenager would want i have. i have allways been a happy child allways smiling allways making people laff and just being a burst of energy. but for the past 4 months i have been sad feeling alone and stressed like and outcast anything people say effects me people are allways judging me, and thinking i am something i am not i never get taken seriously, anything i say i want to be people laff and tell me i will never be i allways to dumb to fat to different and i am sick of this everyday i wake up with pain in my heart like i am carrying a dark hole around with me everyday. i feel like i am a mistake and people just get sick and tired of me. also i think i am bi-sexual and i don’t no how people will take this i no my mum will be fine with it and love me for who i am but my dad has said plenty of times he hates gays and he would disown his child if he was gay ( he isn’t religious) and allways makes jokes about them but i never speak up i am to afraid.people allways say to me how cums you allways smiling and happy my response is i dont have time to be sad but when i get home i am straight to my room sad, alone and none knows i am like this they just think i am a great kid who has big hopes and dreams and people say i could be a comedian, but if they knew the real me would they say the same things. i think about suicide everyday but i have to much to live for. but i dont no how long i can keep kidding myself by saying that i can’t do this i am weak and emotionally drained and no one can see this mayb i am amazing at covering it up or mayb no one cares. i once wrote a poem to se if anyone noticed if it was about me but no one did. i am afriad soon i am going to kill my self but i dont want to leave my family hurting for the rest of there lives. i have much more to say about my troubles but i am not ready to say them yet. ”im hurting”
4 comments
Do you have a guidance counselor at school you can talk to? Or maybe you can tell your mom that you would like to see a counselor …you can be more specific with your mother or you can tell her you’d just like to talk to someone about your future and where your life is headed. But please talk to someone…it’s not unusual for people to put on a happy face on the outside but be dying on the inside emotionally, the problem is that people never suspect that because you do such a good job of bringing other people up. There’s nothing wrong with that but you have to take care of YOU also!
As far as thinking you’re bi-sexual, tell a trusted counselor and deal with it in a safe environment, but there’s no need to deal with that publicly or even with your father at this point in your life. You’re young and still working all of these things out so don’t be too hard on yourself. If at some point in the future you choose to share that with others you can do so with those whom you trust and at a time in your life when things are more stable and you’ve had time to work it out.
Please don’t be afraid to reach out to those in your life you trust, I’m sure if you told your mom you really would like to talk to a counselor she would listen to you and get you the help you need. Tell her there are just some things you need to sort out, tell her life isn’t always easy and you want to be the best you can be. You DO have a lot to live for, and you CAN be what you want to be. Who cares if you’re different? Take a look around and see how many people who are successful are different somehow…maybe it’s not always apparent but I guarantee you that most successful people out there have something that sets them apart from the others, there has to be, otherwise everyone would achieve what they did! And you are NOT a mistake! And it was no mistake that I stumbled across this site and YOUR post, there’s a reason for everything…I believe God has heard your cry. Please reach out…I KNOW people care about you, go to those that you know do and don’t be afraid to show what’s inside and let them know you need some help. There is no shame in that, we all need it from time to time, this world is hard and we have to help each other. You have a reason for being on this earth, so don’t give up now…it will get better!
Your father is insensative. To make such pronoucements as he has, without considering that he may be condeming his own child, is a mark of immaturity on his part. I went through similar things with my family with regard to being a virgin when I was young.
I second what Eleven posted. You can tell from just the few words that you posted that you are a thoughtful, caring person. We need more people in the world like you. Don’t you dare throw it away!
teenager15,
re-read what “eleven” told you.
You might have the odd opportunity fell upon you without your slightest notice.
Ha, not me ever could have a chance like that.
I’d suggest, reach out to the golden opportunity and grasp that.
Learn from “eleven” as you could, you might get your golden eggs !
Trust (her), and be humble, (she) has a lot more for you to learn from !