I’m only 13, but I’m smart enough to see the truth. The world has gone to shit, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
My life has been one big downhill fall. I don’t mean to sound whiney or “emo”, but I can’t help it. I completely seclude myself, so I don’t have to deal with the idiots of the world. Homeschool is stressing me out, but I’m terrified to go to normal school. I pick my nails and skin, and continue because the pain is the only feeling I ever have other than apathy and melancholy. My parents don’t understand, my brother doesn’t care, and I’m too paranoid to talk to my psychiatrist about it. To top it off, I have absolutely no friends or joy. I have given up on life – I’m going through and am constantly amazed at how I haven’t ended it all yet. My life has no meaning, the only way I affect other people’s lives is for the worse. I’m so alone, but I don’t want anything to do with other people. What the hell am I supposed to do? Most days it’s almost impossible for me to even get out of bed. I am CONSTANTLY thinking about death and every aspect of it (murder, suicide, afterlife, consequences, unpredictability, death methods, rotting corpses, etc).
Oh, and the almost constant headache doesn’t help either. I wrote this poem for English, and I mean every word:
Anguish hovers like a dark storm cloud
As I sit in cold melancholy.
I hear the laughs rage from the crowds
That shove me with apathetic grace.
Monotone skies over the bleak world,
Hope is but a distant memory.
Thoughts in my brain twisted and swirled
And cruel depression enshrouds my soul.
Â
If fire and ice are greed and hate
Then the world is blanketed in steam.
Knowledge is power used as bait
To lure in the innocent and young.
5 comments
Almost everyday I don’t even want to get out of bed. But I know that I have to because someday it does get better. I mean, surely there’s at least one thing you want to live for? To see the next episode of your favourite television series, to read the next book in a series you’re reading. Maybe to go see a beautiful place in another country. Unravel the mysteries of stonehenge and stuff like that. The way I see it, you could be an amazing writer.
Oh yeah, and we can’t let those idiots run the world. Someone smart has to try.
That was an amazingly positive post…lol. This may sound harsh, but I’ve read a lot of younger teens posts and your so cheating yourself out of what can easily be fixed.
You’re entitled to your feelings and no one knows better than you, but your attitude sucks. And I’m saying that in a super positive light. The fact is your whole post was you passing judgement on you! What has your upbringing been like? Do your folks reflect back to you unconditional love and appreciation of yourself…no matter what!?
I guarantee you if that foundation has been laid for you in your childhood you wouldn’t be putting the hurt on you by saying everything sucks. Everything lies in your attitude about you! Change your attitude and your beliefs, everything will change. If you want a reason to die, you’ll find one…guaranteed. I still feel ya, I get it, it’s a challenge, but you are way too bright and have the resources within yourself to circumvent all the things that are bothering you. Choose you. And hey, we all need someone to tell us off a bit here and there…it keeps us real, so don’t take it personally. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have replied. A friend told me a good story that might fire up some humility in you… Basically, count your blessings and allow yourself to go easy on yourself…you’ll create a way easier time for yourself and at 13, you deserve a good life. Good luck!
I left out the story…I said enough.
carinne, im 14 i have experieced similair problems to your plz lets talk i know that we can help each other. deltaseal97@yahoo.com
dont be paranoid and hate those that love you. While parents are pain emotion can rule logic . one day those pain in the butt parents wont be there and you wish they were. right now you have secluded yourself you have made yourself a prisioner of your own devise. dethrone the world is against you and plotting like they hate you. You sound really smart and give people a chance. you can help what you do cause only u can control it. so many of us are self absorbed whiners even parents and socitey has taught us me, me me. while that is good in newspapers self pity only hurts us…. you want dark. you put on the dark side well. ou want day then get the sunshine and rays ready. its up to you. make what you want. your life is ahead of you . live it…. dont dwell on the darkside……. eeek