I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t know what to do. I should be a functioning college student but all I can think about is death. My death. Images, thoughts, impulses, plans…attempt…and I just can’t get it to go away. taking pills didn’t even make it go away, it just made my life more miserable than ever plus this overhanging feeling that I SHOULD have died so why on earth am I STILL here??? I want to get out and I don’t know how other than a shotgun to the head. I need out. Get me out. Please write back. I am freaking out and this is the only place I know I can safely express myself. Please talk to me.
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5 comments
Don’t hold a gun to your head. Coming from an experienced person, guns are extremely painful and don’t always kill you.
I understand what you’re feeling. I can’t say I KNOW what you’re feeling because I haven’t lived your life and I’m not you but I can understand you.
I have had that feeling for the past couples days. And about 30 min ago one of my friends caught me cutting myself and tried to stop me. And right now I just want to run and scream, punch things, and cut myself. I’ve never felt like hurting myself more than I do now.
Guns are not a good way to deal with things. I’ve tried ending my life with a gun. I pulled the trigger to. The bullet ended up getting jammed in the barrel. So that left me wonder why I’m still here too.
I don’t know what to tell you because I really don’t know what to tell myself either.
I have been researching suicide because my mind is totally obsessed with it. The reason I stuck on a gun is because it was 99% effective and caused the most deaths, but I am starting to learn that there is no foolproof way anymore. That really irks me to no end. I have BP disorder, OCD, and Generalized Anxiety. My OCD is the worst because that is the part of my mind that is telling me to die. I wish I could change my mind but it is stuck in this track and i can’t control myself. I can’t control my body. It’s like I don’t have a choice.
And thank you for writing back.
I feel ya, it’s important to know….no one wants to kill themselves, they just want out of pain and so here we are. Focus on wanting to end your pain. The universe tends to not respond to thoughts of self harm. But you certainly can ask. There’s something to consider anyway. I am in the same state but my attitude is positive so if it’s something you go ahead with, approach it positively as best you can. Doesn’t make sense I know, but most real logic works backwards to what we ‘think’. Good luck!
Well I too am bipolar, chronic depressed, OCD, anxiety. It’s my depression that makes me want to end my life. And my anxiety gives the loss of feeling and emotion. My OCD makes me have to be clean. I constantly freak out if my hands aren’t clean or if I spilled something on myself or if my ex would put cake on my face I would start to freak out if y hair would get in it. I’m not sure how to explain it but yea.
I am interested in suicide but not as much as murder. Serial killers interest me do much. I like the way they kill, their reasons. I always told myself if I lose everything in life I’ll become one. I’m close to losing everything. I think I’d make a cool serial killer, I have so many ideas.