I shouldve tried harder last night. I wake up this morning, I find out that I failed every assignment I handed in. I officially have failed highschool. I’ll have to retake all of sophomore year. My girlfriend got ridiculed about me n I about her, so she hasn’t even looked at me today. My best friend tried to kill herself n is back in the hospital. My two other friends both were gone today. I got blamed for shit I didn’t do and I got a detention. I destroyed my hip flexor so that ends my track career. My parents destroyed my piece n my lighters. They locked the shotgun n pistol away this morning. I get home, get told my art sucks by everyone. I get told I suck at music. I can’t fucking take anymore. I drone through every day as everyones punching bag. I want to end it again. N I don’t even have anything to do it with now.
1 comment
lostchild445,
I can’t imagine the immense amount of pain you must feel right now, and the strength and courage you must have just to brave it all.
I hope you’ll take some time to reflect on what’s happened, and what you really want. Often times, I feel like taking my own life until I realize that what I really want is to change the situation. It’s the desperation that drives us to the edge. We don’t know how _else_ to deal with ourselves in our environment, and one way or another, death becomes what we feel is our only way out.
I understand that life, as it is this moment, appears to suck immensely. But I want to remind you that the human body is beautifully strong and agile, and it’s ability to heal (both physically and mentally) is astounding. I have every confidence in you that if you want to, you will heal, and heal beautifully.
Grades are a whole other story. I can understand why parents and peers would stress out over them. To university admissions officers, they are what defines you. But both you and I know that numbers alone cannot define a human existence. You are not your grades, whatever they may be. Struggles with academia can be the most frustrating kind, I know. Still, there are resources out there. Peer tutors, extra help outside of class, even the internet. So what if an extra year is necessary? It’s our own lives we’re leading, and there’s no need to please everyone anyway.
There is an odd sort-of beauty and elegance to our existence and the fragility of our minds and bodies. I hope you’ll stay, just for a little while if you’ve made up your mind to catch that bus.
If you ever want to talk, e-mail me: isotonic@hotmail(.)ca –just remove the parentheses.
Love from,
ty83