sometimes i want to die. sometimes i don’t.

i just don’t see a point to (my) life.
i have no goals.
i have no dreams.
i have no ambitions.

i can do almost anything that i want to and all i want to do is lie in bed all day every day.

i hate shopping and materialism.
i hate smalltalk.
i hate socializing.
i hate people especially judgmental people.
i hate sports.
i hate drinking/bars.
i hated every school i went to.
i’ve hated every job i’ve had. my job serves no purpose.
i hate paying bills. i have the money i just hate the process.

why am i so full of hate? i get bored of staying home all the time, but whenever i’m out i usually regret going out and wish i had just stayed home.

i find it hard to live with myself.

to me the ideal life would be living on a remote island with my family or tribe.  we would just live as a group and most of us would die in our 40s or earlier.  we’d probably have much more enjoyment and fulfilling lives than our modern lifestyles allow.