Today.. was interesting. It was parents evening, so my dad got to meet my teachers :D… Haha… No. It was going alright until we came to my english teacher, Which started off good. She cracked a few jokes, kept making me laugh. Then she turned serious, Saying that she had 2 things she wanted to bring up. 1. I was writing lyrics in the back of my book instead of doing the work… And number 2… Well she turned around and took my book off the window sill saying that she had seen something that was worrying her, at this point I had started to panic. I have some really crazy stuff in the back of that book. So. She opened up the book to the last page, And Me, My father, Miss Mallett (english teacher) and Miss Currant ( Teachers assistant) all stared at this page filled with writing… It look something like this just repeated through out the whole page…
I’m Fine, Everything is going to be ok, I’m Not crazy.
The awkward silence was horrible, And what’s worse? is the fact that when we moved on to my science teacher. I nearly broke down crying. Luckily I saved that until tonight.
Feeling really suicidal at the moment.
<3.
4 comments
Nat, just remember one thing for me please, I care, most everyone here cares about your life, and as someone who has attempted suicide more times than I can count on my fingers and toes even if I had extras, I always stopped and thought about it really hard, I made a promise to a friend that I wouldnt, and I have yet to break a single promise with them, and I am not about to start. Until 9 days ago, I had not felt happiness in more than a year, but someone helped me find it just becuase they are so nice. I hope you find what you are looking for, find what you need to make it through, we would all miss you. I hope you feel better.
I’m not going to get better… I know my route to happiness… And i am just a random stranger that you know nothing about? how can you say you will miss me?… But thank you for your words…
Nat, the only way I can make my life better right now is by helping other people, I have spent nearly my entire life unable to feel happiness, but the pain goes away when I help people, and I remember almost everything, so I would never forget, never forget that I could have helped someone but I didnt, that maybe that other person could have helped me, that is what I am trying to say, plus I am terrible at communicating.
Ahaa… I can’t help no one, let alone myself. I’m past the point of help… But i wish you luck in mentoring…