the Queer

the Queer

Sitting in school, watching. She is so perfect, as if you have finally seen someone you can really relate to. Trying to imagine getting up the courage to walk over and talk to her. Trying to find the guts to ask her out, the dance maybe….
And then it all crashes down.
Your brief fantasy of ever having a “normal” love life.
Sure, you crush on her from afar, but you are a girl too.
And that means being different, a freak, a sinner, a loner.
No matter where you go, your gayness will follow you, keeping you separate from everyone else. You feel like you always have to be on guard;
no one can ever know that you are different.
Not your parents,
Not your teachers,
Even most of your friends don’t know, and each time you tell one they drift away.
Slowly you are becoming depressed.
You can’t change who you are, you were born this way, but you are starting to hate yourself.
And the self hate is causing you deep pain,
And the deep pain is causing you to cut yourself and to wish you were dead.

The word Queer has meant several different things over the last 100 years but it has now become an academically reclaimed badge of honor for a whole complex range of people whose sexually isn’t as simple as heterosexual;
Gay, lesbian, bi, trans, pan, asexual, inter-sexed, alliance, and more, our world is becoming more tolerant of those who do not fit the “normal” stereotypical male and female binary.

They are the Queer.

Sexuality is a much more complex part of our lives then we tend to think.
There are three factors to consider;

1, Sex, sex simply refers to your biological development. Sex is in your pants and between your legs, simple. Males have penises and females have vaginas. (there are other variations as well)

2, preference, sexual preference refers to what you look for in a mate, what you are attracted to. Males can be attracted to boys and or girls and females can be attracted to girls and boys. Sexual preference is in your heart.

3, gender, gender is your place on the socially constructed continuum of boys versus girls, and everything in between. You can be female, but your sense of being a girl or boy is separate, somewhat, from your sex. Sex and gender are not the same. Society helps us define gender and it can drift somewhat over your lifetime. Him and her are gender based terms. Gender is between your ears, it is in your mind.

This means that a female can think, dress, and feel like a boy and be attracted to other females. Does that make him a lesbian?
You have to ask him, it is no one else’s place to judge.

Can a male be feminine acting and still like girls?
You have to ask him, it is no one else’s place to judge.

They say “it gets better”.
But is it getting better for you?
Unfortunately intolerance and hatred towards Queer people continues widespread in north america and Europe.

A tragic side to this dilemma is that research shows that a person’s sexual preference and gender preference are not variable choices, you are born that way.
While hatred towards them escalates their own self hatred, resulting in depression and suicidal rates for Queer people much higher than non-Queers.

If you are on this site, feeling suicidal, and you are worried about your sexuality you are not alone.
But you may need help to cope with all the complex emotions inside of you and your family may be part of the stress.

Remember;
You are perfect as you are.
It is perfectly ok to be Queer.
Be proud of who you are, of your community, of others who may also be struggling.
You will spend many years developing your sexual identity, thoughts about sexual preference are common and can change as you age.
You probably cannot change who you are and it is painful to try, do not change for others.
God loves you as you are.
You can find true love.
You may need a Mentor to talk to about your situation and your feelings.
Suicidal thoughts and depression are sometimes the result of a toxic environment, are you accepted at home? At school?
Fight back against the evil of discrimination and bullying when ever you can.
Learn to accept all others.
Learn to accept yourself.

You are The Children of Earth and nothing loves you like I do.