my story

ok, my life probly isnt as bad as most ppls out there who think uf suicide, but right now im have problems dealing with everything im going through. I have had thoughts of suicide for a couple of months now, since things started to get bad between my boyfrend and me. i have been depressed, and it has genrally gotten worse until now, i barly eat. and i dont sleep very much at all. my grades at school are dropping, and my sports are  in horrable shape. but now mostly all i do is cry or write dark poetry, or i sit and fantasize what suicide will do. my boyfrend robbie cheated in me with one of my frends, and that set me over the edge. i have cut my slf for about a month now, and i would have commited suicide by now if it wasnt for the fact that my mom has begged me not too. honestly i just want the pain to stop. i want to not feel the hurt, the unbearable feeling uf emptyness that fills me when i see him with the other girl. not to meantion he was and still is my everything, i love him and always will. although he honestly dosnt care about me or what happens to me, and when he cheated on me it made me feel like i was a worthless peice uf crap who didnt deserve a boy, muchless to be able to live. i have thought about the diffrent ways to kill my self, and i think that the easiest and least painful way would be to either shoot my self right between the eyes, or to jump off a realy high building. i have tried to commit suicide before, and i have failed. my rope broke and i puked up all the pills to took. i want to die and i dont want to live, because every body says i need to stop thinking these things, but u cant. you just cant stop thinking these things. believe me i have tried and it dosnt work because suicidal thoughts arnt a choice. and im tired uf no body understanding me, and im tired uf people begging not to do it. because before i was suicidal all of these people hated me and they picked on ne.  even my counsiler says she is concerned, although she isnt. she has never been in my shoes. she has never been bullied or had these thoughts. nobody understands me and no body can really help me. so i turn to websites like these to help me. because i think i might commit suicide tonight. i cant live with my self anymore, and i cant take another day of looking at her with him and it not being me. i just cant do it anymore. so i think im just gonna end it all tonight.