I’m done. There’s nothing I want more than to die. This isn’t an impulsive decision; I’ve thought long and hard about it and it is really what I want. The problem is that I don’t know how. I’m too afraid to try because I’m afraid it would fail. I need a foolproof, quick, easy way. Something easily accessible. I live alone and don’t leave home, I’m dependent on my mother for almost everything. I can’t exactly ask her to go out and buy a suicide bag for me. I need something I can do by myself. I hate that physician-assisted euthanasia is illegal. I’m not asking how to do it; I know that’s against the rules. I’m only sharing my feelings with and praying to whatever higher power may be out there to either take me away or give me the courage to do it myself. I just need it to end.
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God has something in store for you.
There’s no such thing as a “easy, fool-proof” method … as hard as it may be, your time/energy might be better spent trying to find a way to make your situation more manageable or perhaps even better. unless you have a terminal illness even physician assisted termination would not apply.
Many people want their problems solved magically and “right now” – and there is nothing wrong with that – but they see the end goal as unobtainable because they see the whole as one big problem … but no problem/situation can’t be divided into smaller easier goals that collectively will get them where they want to be. Nothing can be achieved without effort.
if you believe in god fine, pray, read the bible – it doesn’t hurt … but as the saying goes “the Lord helps those who help themselves”
focus on creating a roadmap of incremental goals that will move you in a direction that ultimately gets you where you want to be “The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step”
walking dawg
I have to agree with Dawg the wise here, there is no easy fool proof plan, everyplan even the best calaculated ones can go wrong. This i know only too well, personally had a “few” attempts.. My best attempt was foiled after i was rescusitated after cardiac arrest. Yup i was braught back and i am still here. Some would say i was very lucky to have been found in time.. I beg to differ. I merticulasly planned it, but didnt count on a friend popping by.
Choose something to focus on like Dawg the wise said, me personally i plan day by day. All my energy is put into surviving each day, if i can survive today tomorrow might be better.. Sometimes it is, sometimes its not.. But i just got to keep going. Got to believe it can get better x
I wish I was half as “wise” as you accuse me of being 😉
If that were the case, I wouldn’t be here on SP … or at least not for the reasons I’m here. But at least I can try to pass on the lessons I’ve learned so others don’t make the mistakes I did.
pitfall dawg
I understandwhat you are saying there dawg, but reading some of your posts you offer great advice to people, which i hope can give hope to some people. I think maybe we are somewhat similar in our outlook… I too can offer fantastic advice, but i never follow it myself.. Like i can see what needs to be done but i just i guess lack motivation? I guess i spent 10 years trying and wanting to get better, but now last couple of years im stuck in this werd limbo.
what to do when there’s nothing you’re interested in pursuing ?
I made a serious suicide attempt when I was 36. I took over 250 pills of all different kinds. I drank a bottle of wine. I made sure my children were out for the weekend, but the attempt failed. My son, 14, came home and found me in the middle of the living room floor. I had been in my bed. I had somehow made it to the kitchen sink and threw up the pills. How, I will never know to this day, since I was out when I fell on my bed. My son who is now 42, hates me for what I did. My daughter doesn’t really understand since she was so young. He called his dad who is a doctor, and he was there in no time. He watched the EMT’s hit my chest, and almost break my ribs. I just remember waking in that hospital in such despair. Now, I am 65, in pain, and without anyone in my life except my little dog. I am alone. I am sick. I am so depressed and I want out. I have considered antifreeze. I don’t know anything else, but I have to be certain this time. No more waking up to this nightmare. I wish I could get cyanide. Don’t know where to get it. Don’t have a garage, and my car has a catalytic converter anyways. I would overdose on anything that would work, but after that last attempt years ago, I can’t fail. I’d have no place to go, or anyone to care for me. I hate to admit that I’m a therapist. That’s what I became after I was a survivor all those years ago. I had my kids, and I lived for them. I went to school. I was young and still had life to live. I was healthy. Now things are much different and I cannot take anymore. Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. I can’t do this very much longer, and I really don’t want to make myself worse.
I hear ya Crimson … I’m in a 20 foot deep hole with a six foot ladder … when someone comes along and starts filling in the hole then my time will be up … in the meantime I I just want to guide people to get out of the hole before hey’re in too deep. I’t not that I can’t follow my own advice … it just that I’m beyond it helping. I’m not depressed about it – or unhappy … quite the contrary actually … major issues aside, i’m basically happy and normal … and just one winning lottery ticket away from climbing out of the hole … or a lucky career break.
But I definitely know what you mean about motivation … seems I’ve always had to scratch and claw and work myself into a frenzy to get anywhere … and once I thought I could “coast” for a bit … the whole house of cards came crashing down (along with the GW Bush economy) … back to square one … almost like the first day out of school … and just don’t have the energy to start all over again
beginning dawg
I don’t want to hold on and wait for things to get better. That’s what I’ve been doing for most of my life. My mind, body, and spirit are too worn out. I wish someone would kill me so I wouldn’t have to do it myself. I still don’t know how to do it myself. I’m not at all religious, but all I can do keep praying for God to take me.
No need to pray o a non-existent god who hasn’t done much in the way of communication besides supposedly inspiring the books/gospels in the bible/Torah/kuran which has cause more death and misery than it has saved (although there are many good moral lessons and inspirations) … The ancient Mayans have predicted the world will end this December … so enjoy the next few months
Please note: the world will NOT end in december – but living like there is no tomorrow can allow you to change your whole perspective on what is worth worrying about
injun dawg