I’ve never been happy.
Well, that’s not entirely true. Â I have had happy moments, days, perhaps even weeks. Â On the whole, though, I have never been a happy person. Â A couple of decades ago I might have had “depressive personality disorder.” Â If I actually told a doctor any of this, I might get a nice, shiny “dysthymia” diagnosis. Â But I have never told a doctor this. No, I have never told a single person.
Every day in recent memory, I have thought about killing myself. Â Usually it’s an idle “what-if” sort of thing. Â “If I killed myself, I wouldn’t have to write this paper.” Â “If I was […]