Hello everyone, my apologies for many of my disturbed rants on here, and thank yous to anyone who replied to me. I most likely didn’t reply back, but I have certainly read and appreciated.
In any case, I’ve decided that once I get back ‘home’ I’m going to sort out a few last things and then do it. I’ve not done much good to the world, and so I would like to give back in any way I can. But I don’t have any emotional ties to any particular charities. Anyone of you who knows any particularly deserving charities (or even people, for example a […]
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I just remembered. I was thinking about how I can’t do it, I’m too scared, but I just remembered. I was choked before, and I passed out. If he kept going, I would be dead. I can do that, so easily. It was easy. It doesn’t scare me, asphyxiating, not as much as drowning or poisoning or trying to stab myself of course. I never thought about it because at home there was nothing, but here there is a wire leading to the ceiling light, and it’s encased in a sturdy pipe. I can get a strong rope around it maybe (my belts will break, […]
Basically the story of my life. It’s almost 2000 words. Sorry, thank you all.
I’ve never not been ill.
When I was a kid other kids took advantage of me. I’ve always been weak and lonely. Some kids bullied and manipulated me, some used me for their sexual gratification. One person in particular, a relative of similar age to me, regularly did all.
My dad was an alcoholic and would spend drunken nights berating me for being stupid like my mother, and when I cried I was pathetic like my sister. I’d never be as smart as him, I’d never be as good as him. His house was filthy. I had to wear shoes everywhere, the carpets were […]
Something wrong with me anyway. I always knew that; everything that has ever happened to me is only karma for my existence really. I’ve deserved ever ‘injustice’. I’m impure and filthy and disgusting and deserve to feel ashamed. But anyway, that’s old news. New news. My ex boyfriend told me last night after I told him I had plans to kill myself (I only told him because I was trying to go back on it, decided against it). He told me I tell him every month. I can’t remember ever saying any shit. But apparently 2 nights ago we were all out drinking I told […]
My thoughts are so disjointed I can’t even write without losing what I’m trying to say but after all I still try anyway. Trying anyway, but trying is kind of pointless. Everyday I wake up and I try but everyone around me doesn’t understand anything I say I feel like I say so much and speaking is just sounds in anyway and words are all lies in the end. I don’t know. I get help, I got help, maybe I should get more, but I can’t get help because I can’t help myself, as I lie all the time like words are lies and I […]