77evergone77

An everlasting friend, 

A feeling if joy that won’t end.
A stop to these constant blows, 

The end of the voice who comes and goes.

Being able to enjoy each breath of air, 

Able to live life with barely a care. 

I’d wished to be able to stay with you, 

But my wishes, they just don’t come true.

Last night I had my first good dream in a while. I dreamed I was back with my real friends and with people who cared. I was back before now when the one I love still loved me and was willing to wait. When I could go to him when I felt broken again and he would fix me and make me not want to cut or die. And when even if I didn’t have him I had Kate who loved me just as much. Now I wake up hoping to be able to look around and see them but they’re not there.
what are […]

This mask used to hide me,
Save me from any hurt.
Just smile and laugh,
They’ll all go away.
But slowly I died,
Stopped trying at all,
And now ,
This mask hides nothing.

.

Don’t read this if you hate things that waste your time.
Sorry for wasting space as well

Everything’s my fault. I blame me for everything that goes wrong. Maybe I can fix it by ending everything. I just don’t want to fail again. I’m tired of my failures.

How long can you last without food? Not without water though. I want to know how long someone can last without food before passing out or dying.
I also want to know how long someone can go without sleep.

I’m tired of the same things. I can barely name all the things I’ve been called. Here are the ones from this week.

Fatass
Idiot
Retard
Cutter
Emo *****
Freak
Stupid
Pathetic
Wastrel
Annoying
Creepie
Shut up
What is wrong with you?
Go and die
Fuck off
Turd
Immature
Repulsive
Fat lipped
Slut
Whore
Trite
Bland
Unoriginal
Chichéd
Stereotypical
Whining
Ungrateful
Useless
Pointless
Hopeless
Fucked up
Weird
Big thighed
Weird
Lesbo (I am not. I am questioning and maybe pansexual.)

All this pain I feel
It can’t be real
All day and night
I live void of true life
I’m sickening of this facade
Maybe it’s time I start to fade
So goodbye
From the girl who cared

The girl who cut.

Oh Sir, dear Sir
Can I take this mask off?
Will you go running off as well
Along with the other strangers

Oh Sir, dear Sir
It’s awfully hot in these clothes
Long pants and shirts
That hide my body
Would you mind if I didn’t wear them?

Oh Sir Stranger, dear Stranger
Could you yield me some freedom?
Some air for these lungs?
My wounds need healing
My scars yearn for time time
My soul craves rest.

Oh Sir dear Sir
This pain is too great
Im resigned to my fate
You just stood by and watched
But at least you never left.

Oh Sir, dear Sir
give […]

Everytime I try to play piano again and loose myself in the music i hear this voice (male I think. Sounds kind of like y dad) scream my name. 🙁
It makes me stop every time. Like now.

So far it seems to be the only thing I can think to say to him sometimes. He’s the nicest guy I know. That’s why I love him. He may be stance sometimes but that’s why I like him, he’s different and tries to help. He knows next to nothing why I cut or why I’m so sad. But he still shows he cares enough for it to really hurt when he starts to talk about the girl he’s in live with. I’m jelous of her, uet Ive never met her. How she could stand to dump him and make him sad I can’t understand. […]

My head is ringing with the voices of everyone I know calling my name. Screaming at me and hating me. It hurts a lot.

Don’t you dare say I’m not useless or pathetic because I just listened to my mom go on and on about how I never work hard enough or try to succeed. I did my fucking best in that competition today. Studied for months. Practiced. Worked for it. I thought I could prove to at least me that if I tried I could do SOMTHING with myself. But of course I lost. I couldn’t even place 6th. My whole school fuckibg lost the competition. But all I can think of now is my mom telling me that I’ll go no where if I continue like this.

I […]

There will be no scrapbook
Of the things I’ve done
My accomplishments
For I’ve done nothing in their eyes
I’ve done nothing
But become an embodiment
Of failure and disappointment.
I deserve no plaque from them
I can only make my own
Because I’ve done nothing
In their eyes
I am nothing.

The side of a belt is the only kiss I’ll get,
And the stings all the love ive known.
The only hugs are that of your hands on my throat,
 the marks you loved to leave werent supposed to be shown.
They were
“our little secret”
All these things are all that is known to me
Never told love wasn’t just for others to see.

He sat there crying because he couldn’t help me. I couldn’t even comfort him wl enough. I really am useless and pathetic. I might as well just go get it done now. Why wait any longer? I was already rejected by te school I pinned so much on. Already a dissapointment.

Somtimes I wish someone would just kill me. Save me from hurting anyone by ending it myself.
But other times I’m content just to close my eyes and cut the hurt away.

I feel so alone right now.
I probably sound pathetic and weak and stupid.
Sorry.

I keep seeing cuts everywhere
My scars show
But no one cares
They dismiss it
Once I flash a smile
Dawn a happy guise
Let them hear all my lies.
They don’t seem to care
As long as there’s a surprise
In every new person
They add to they’re collection
They’ll just push and squeeze
Until they’re new toy breaks
And the surprise inside
Splays out for all to see.

So tired.
Living hurts…

Any one know about how long it would take?