I forgot about everything. Just a total blank out and then I fell apart. Tears were pouring down my face. When my mom finally came back from work we decided to go for a car drive. She said, as she often does, that something wasn’t quite right about me. Then she asked if I was at all suicidal. I quickly told her no, hoping to hear what would happen if I had said yes. She did a small cough/laugh and said that if I said yes I would go straight to the Mental Hospital. I know for sure that I couldn’t talk to her about […]
I think I may have reached a breaking point. I know I don’t have anything to be depressed about, but I am. IT SUCKS! I hate it, everything, everyone. I was singing terribley morbid poems to my dog. My freakin dog! I don’t think he seemed to mind though, its not like he understood a word I was saying. I am empty, like a bird’s bones. I am hollow, happiness is hollow, life is hollow. It feels fake and uninteresting. Why is it? It should be but it isn’t. When everyone screams in class like retards because we have some famous actor coming over. […]
Sadness is one of the many things that is written about here, but should this cause (unintentional) physical pain? Sometimes when I do have a good moment and notice all things good, I get this heavy feeling in my chest and it sort of hurts. Its like a small bruise and it makes me feel sad and scared. Should such a thing exist? It brings me more pain then ever imagined, makes me cry at night and spoils every happy moment I’ve ever had and replaces it with sadness and fear. It makes me feel ‘heavy’ but oh so very empty and unfulfilled.
Is this […]
At a young age I had always felt misunderstood. People always referred to me as ‘wierd’ and ‘socially impared’. My parents never knew this, I had told them once but they tried to convince me they were just joking or to ignore them. I got bullied more often and my parents were hardly home anymore. I told my mom that I’ve never felt so depressed in my whole life, she got angry at me and said that I should be happy that I have a warm house to live in and good food to eat. That made me feel like I was some sort of […]