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Shota Shota Night Fever

by Aki
written by Aki

Hn. An unprecedented complication arose and my attempt, which I was supposed to carry out last Tuesday (the 31st) has been postponed a couple of days. Argh. If the people from the halfway house I went to knew about this, they’d be all up on my arse about how ‘god made it so’ and that ‘this was the work of divine intervention’ blah blah blah. Laughable. Anyway.

I’m trying to clear this little problem as fast as I can. I absolutely CANNOT be still alive after the 20th. That’d just be cutting it close. Once I go beyond that, it’d be very hard to keep everyone […]

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Painful Fear

by Aki
written by Aki

So after much (or not) thought, I’ve decided to just go through with it. I’m going to eat my 50 monkshood seeds and see where I go. It seems this is the only viable option now. It’s either that or the 350 nightshade seeds, but Erowid turned me off from the nightshade since it seems to trip you up instead of actually killing you. I’m shaking with fear at the thought of the pain to be honest. All accounts I’ve read from poison plants have been extremely painful, so I’m worried that I might end up screaming, which might alert my neighbours, so I’ma do […]

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I have a love/hate relationship with Metal Slimes.

by Aki
written by Aki

So, I’ve set the date on the 31st of January. I thought that it would give me ample time to do the things I still want to do like play, watch, eat, etc.  However, I ran into a little snag that surprised me. I’m running out of cash, and thus, I probably have a two or three days worth of takeout left. So annoying. Of course, I could always go out to the cash machine down the street, but get real. I’m a recluse who hasn’t set foot outside my flat for months. I haven’t even taken out five months worth of garbage, so you can […]

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Tired, So Tired

by Aki
written by Aki

I just want to sleep forever, is that too much to ask for?

I haven’t taken in fresh air for four months now. I haven’t even gone outside to take the trash out.Every day I order take away and I distract myself by playing my video games and watching my shows. I haven’t spoken to anyone except for the delivery guys. I’ve shut myself off from everything. None of  my friends can contact me now, nor can they physically come to me. I did this all so I would have no other alternative.

Can it really be called living, when every second, all you can think about […]

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Just Thinking.

by Aki
written by Aki

What do you do when all your life, all you’ve ever thought of was how to kill yourself? What do you do when everywhere you look, everyone you talk to, everything you do, was spurred by the want, the NEED to end your life? What do you do when you try to be positive, but all that does is a few months of temporary hope, before reality comes crashing down and you realize that you’ve wasted days and months on living, when you could have spent that time trying to look for a way to die?

I’m not going to lie. I know that I wasted […]

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Is 2012 the end of MY world?

by Aki
written by Aki

First and foremost, Happy New Year everyone, though it seems that some of you here have had/are having a crappy time.

I’m new here, name’s Aki. I stumbled upon this site a few months/years back, but never registered. Got put off by the seeming anti suicide I was reading on here at that time (I think, I don’t know. I’ve gone through a lot of suicide sites). I’m not known or anything, but I do lurk around other sites, though they’re mostly pro. Anyways.

Here’s a brief summary of my attempted suicide history.

Started thinking about it when I was nine years old, then went through the whole emo […]

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