Author

Alan Ominous

If you so choose to, reach me via email, suicidealom@gmail.com

words and stuff….

by Alan Ominous 2/23/2016

written by Alan Ominous

So, to my new found friends, supporters, here’s a run down of news, thoughts, etc.

First off, I told the one family member I trust my plans for leaving in detail. I assured them it wasn’t a cry for help, a threat, or an attempt to guilt trip. That I was only sharing so it wouldn’t be a total shock. Overall it was received well. A wish I wouldn’t but complete understanding

I’m on the fence about my guitar amp. To replace or not. Kind of pointless if I kill myself. Then again, I could always add to the debt I leave behind. I’m excited to […]

2/23/2016 16 comments

my “don’t do it” playlist

by Alan Ominous 2/23/2016

written by Alan Ominous

So, here’s a song that reminds me when I give up, I’m not really giving up.
Breaking Benjamin- Until The End

https://youtu.be/T-W8dAroK7U

2/23/2016 3 comments

why…?

by Alan Ominous 2/23/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Why do I think the way I do?
Why am I constantly giving myself false hopes?
Why do I set myself up to fail?

2/23/2016 2 comments

wow…

by Alan Ominous 2/22/2016

written by Alan Ominous

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/tmp_23933-Session-121220324555.mp3

Found an old recording. Just my guitar and a drum loop. Too many effects dials and not enough production experience. Oh well. Have a good laugh. If you listen in headphones, turn them down, it gets stupid loud and squealy.

Edit: I know the rules say no hate, but feel free to hate on this. I’ll be the first to admit it sucks damn hard.

2/22/2016 7 comments

fucking pissed

by Alan Ominous 2/22/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Why my amp? Because you wanted to make sure it hurt. To make sure I’d have 0 joy.

Replacement? Ha, far too broke. Official countdown begins. May sound trivial to most you but this is the cement truck that ran over a camel with a broken back.

2/22/2016 11 comments

No End In Sight

by Alan Ominous 2/20/2016

written by Alan Ominous

What can I say, that hasn’t been said a thousand times?

How can I be at the end of the road, when I’m stuck in a damn round-a-bout?

Why bother doling out advice, I don’t even follow?

Does it really matter if the chicken or egg came first, when they’re both in existence now?

Does anyone really care what’s in my wallet?

2/20/2016 9 comments

by Alan Ominous 2/20/2016

written by Alan Ominous

2/20/2016 2 comments

by Alan Ominous 2/19/2016

written by Alan Ominous

https://youtu.be/HBll6SsixYc

2/19/2016 0 comment

Round 2-Fight!

by Alan Ominous 2/19/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Life’s serving me a big ole shit sandwich. I’m trying to focus on your advice HDS. Trying to keep myself pumped up. Getting sick of life tea-bagging me. Trying to rise above, take the advice, follow my own advice.

https://youtu.be/qIUXaAuJjVo

2/19/2016 12 comments

HDS, I see your Patsy and raise 1 Mudvayne

by Alan Ominous 2/19/2016

written by Alan Ominous

2/19/2016 2 comments

Good Night SP

by Alan Ominous 2/19/2016

written by Alan Ominous

2/19/2016 4 comments

The Looking Glass

by Alan Ominous 2/18/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Looking through your window,
Starting to feel strange.
I know everything about you,
But you don’t know my name.

Watch you from a distance,
You don’t know I exist.
I’ve become a creeper now,
Some may say obsessed.

Yes I watch your every move,
I see when you get dressed.
I was with you on your vacation,
And Friday night with your friends.

Will you ever notice,
I’ve been watching you?
Will you ever see me,
Through the lens I view you?

2/18/2016 3 comments

The Fuck?

by Alan Ominous 2/18/2016

written by Alan Ominous

I’m a train wreck. Moods swinging on a damn pendulum. I’m happily depressed. I’m miserably excited.

I’m too alive to die, but too dead to live.

My brains churning out 60 ideas for things a minute. Simultaneously explaining why I’m a stupid piece of shit and deserve to die.

I’m getting so much encouragement here, but discouragement at home. I’m drawn to some of you like the insane idiot I am while compulsively closing myself from reality. I don’t know what the fuck I’m even saying.

2/18/2016 42 comments

I wish I was….

by Alan Ominous 2/18/2016

written by Alan Ominous

I think it’s safe to say I’m extremely passionate about music. I tend to get, obsessive. Lately I’m hung on Leo. I want to be him. He makes metal covers of pop songs. Acoustic covers of metal. I’ll never be THAT good. I’ll never even play for anyone besides my kids, I’ll probably stop when they’re capable of judging me. Anyways enough of why I suck. This is a cover of Adele’s Hello. I hate her version for the record.

2/18/2016 11 comments

a poem

by Alan Ominous 2/18/2016

written by Alan Ominous

(void)

Shaking violently;
Plunged into a dark,wet…abyss
Tiny bubbles escape me.
Each containing a dream,
An idea, a memory.
Futilely, I gasp;
Trying to breathe them back in.
Filling myself with vacuity.
The bubbles slowly dissipate.
I become what nothing is.

2/18/2016 20 comments

Double Edged Sword

by Alan Ominous 2/17/2016

written by Alan Ominous

This group seems to be having two distinctly different roles for me. First and foremost, I feel I’m gaining depth and understanding of my issues. Far better than any other form of help I’ve sought.

Countering that, I’m gaining insight into the reality of suicide. For the first time I can say I’m sure I’ll be successful next time. Sorry for the false alarm last night. Too confident too quickly.

The cats out of the bag. The handful of people around me are aware I’m considering. Though I’m not revealing a plan. I’m giving it time though so don’t fret.

The hardest part for me is letting go […]

2/17/2016 4 comments

Go! Listen Now!

by Alan Ominous 2/17/2016

written by Alan Ominous

2/17/2016 11 comments

venting, ranting, whatever…

by Alan Ominous 2/17/2016

written by Alan Ominous

First off, I refer to counselors and “Rent-A-Friends”. Someone you pay to pretend to give a shit about you for an hour a week.
The first time I went I was 17, they flat out told me on the 1st visit I was too fucked up for their credentials. This was followed by various suicide attempts. All of which, I feel I sabotaged myself by making reach outs, or just poor planning, or pure coincidence such as a time I OD’d.
Most of my teens and adult life were plagued with severe drug and alcohol abuse.
At the time of meeting my wife, I […]

2/17/2016 1 comment

sorry

by Alan Ominous 2/16/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Sorry everyone. Miles from home. Resources are scarce. My options limited. Chosen method effective but requires commitment and determination. Going to vibe to my favorite tunes. Trying to prepare. A few loose ends I wish I could tie but there’s no time.

Sorry I can’t finish Super Suicide Squad. Sorry.

There’s a lot I want to say to a specific few of you. I’m afraid I’ll back out tonight. So I’m not going to. Just know I think a few of you are just swell.

Sorry.

2/16/2016 46 comments

S.S.S.

by Alan Ominous 2/16/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Actively writing now.

Zetsumei- I’m not sure exactly what your character name is? I like the premise of it though.

HDS- the Bean Warrior will make an appearance, somewhere, not sure when or where, but it will be epic.

The Valiant- your unknown character is too much fun. Will be appearing somewhere, maybe.. or will it. It’s possible. Maybe. -o-

Still open for new characters.
Who are you? What do you do ? Why?

2/16/2016 5 comments

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