alautox

After many years of trying to deal with depression on my own, I realized that enough was enough and  had to seek help before it ruins my life for good. I visited a doctor this morning, who has put me on medication and pointed me towards a councillor. I’ve been using alcohol and excessive gaming to get away from life and its demands and to shield myself from my depression, for too long. Im a talented musician, have friends and when Im in any sort of good mood, im okey to be around but the important things in my life have been suffering.

I have suffered […]

I chose not to go out with friends to get drunk by myself… I prefer my own mind to others most of the time. Im just comfortably numb right now, alone with my own thoughts, happy with myself. I dont do this often(get drunk alone) but am enjoying it now… im enjoying the release of my true introvert, the true me. I have always been an introvert but as society demands, I must put on a fake smile now and then.

I’ve been on here a while and I have posted a lot of depressing rubbish in my time here. However one thing I must say is that this site really does help… writing things down always helps.

I remember when i wrote my first suicide note, when I was 17… deciding to write one might have just saved me… it made me aware. I’m glad there is a site like this around for people to just unleash their frustrations and I haven’t come across a single person that I dislike, we are all in the same boat and we are all friends in some weird way.

Well […]

Why continue with something that keeps me in a permanent state of unhappiness? Once you over examine your life like I have, you will realise just how fucking pointless it is. The way that humanity has turned out, is pointless. After all life just replicates itself with the seasons passing, and will continue to do so with us or without us.  We are not free people to who live freely, we have been chained to the monetary system, from which there is no escape.

Life’s subjective purpose is to procreate. It’s objective is something I  can only speculate as being meaningless in the end. Nothing really fucking […]

I keep thinking of suicide but have never planned exactly how im going to do it… I hate planning anything, I can hardly plan what time im going to wake up at, never mind what time im going to die at.. why cant death be easy? why cant I just fall asleep and never wake up without any effort?

I suppose if I had a gun, it would require very little effort, but unlucky for me.. I live in Ireland, so getting hold of one isn’t easy. The next best thing is probably just to jump off something very high… bar the whole ”falling” part, […]

Does anybody else not feel sorry for people in third world countries? At least they only live until their mid twenties if they are lucky.. they arent missing out on much to be honest. Id trade places with one of them in a second right now, rather than live in this commercial fucking hell they call modern society.

You were born as a simple animal such as a sheep or a cow instead of a complicated human? I mean how fucking harder can it get? those monks that isolate themselves in the  middle of nowhere are right.. life is too complicated and its fucking hell for some.. I sometimes just feel I shoudnt have been born in this time or not at all… people say people that die at age 2o die ”young”… well im 20 years old and im fucking bored.. I have friends, a loving family ect but I still feel like shit. Most of the time however I just choose […]

Im 20 years old and can not take life any longer. I have a severe un-interest in life.. I grow bored and am growing to feel a hate for the human race itself. I love my family and friends but I just feel I could have coped a couple of thousands of years ago. Just not in this time, with all the needless labels humanity has created for simple personality traits… for example, if your an overly ”shy” person that likes being alone and has the ability to enjoy your own company your ”labeled” as a unsociable freak that needs medication. everything is blown out of […]