I keep thinking of suicide but have never planned exactly how im going to do it… I hate planning anything, I can hardly plan what time im going to wake up at, never mind what time im going to die at.. why cant death be easy? why cant I just fall asleep and never wake up without any effort?
I suppose if I had a gun, it would require very little effort, but unlucky for me.. I live in Ireland, so getting hold of one isn’t easy. The next best thing is probably just to jump off something very high… bar the whole ”falling” part, its a pretty quick method eh? just knock down a bottle of jack daniels before hand and jump.. painless.
Im pretty sure I will work up the motivation to just do it soon.. have a severe un-interest in life… I grow bored, I grow to feel a hate for the human race in general. I am not a person who needs an overly exaggerated excuse for suicide… mine is simple, I just want out.. im not designed to live… not in this fucking day and age anyway, perhaps I will wake up in a different time-zone.. who the hell am I kidding though? im a complete atheist.
If I make not another post il be gone.
For now il just drink some more and face another day.
10 comments
I just have one question. If you live in Ireland, why aren’t you drinking Bushmills or Jameson instead of JD?
The gun route isn’t as easy as you might think. Holding a loaded gun next to your head isn’t too difficult, but pulling the trigger is. A lot of thoughts run through your head in that moment. You’ll second guess yourself, wondering if it’s really the best decision. And the innate drive towards self preservation that all animals share will rear its ugly head while you’re trying to get that trigger finger to function properly.
I’d stick with the Whiskey. Cheers.
Hi alautox,
I’m an atheist too and in some ways I think that makes life harder. I don’t really enjoy being an atheist – I’d really like to believe there was something better for us all to look forward to, and someone (e.g. God) looking out for us – but I don’t think there is, and I’m not going to lie to myself just so I feel better about life.
What I would say to you is that you ARE designed to live – just maybe you haven’t found the path that is right for you yet. Take some time to think about what you want to do in life, and don’t let yourself be pressured by what other people SAY you should do. Nor ever feel pressured to do what they are doing – it might work for them, but it might not be right for you. You can live as busy or as quiet a life as you wish. You can spend your days mixing with hundreds of people, or you can spend it alone. You can choose to live in a big city, or in a remote location surrounded only by wildlife. All options are equally valid, in my opinion. All that matters is what works best for you and makes you happy.
Just because I live in Ireland does’t mean I have to drink irish wiskey.
Thanks for your advise, I dont know how I would ever get my hands on a gun anyway…
@ alautox; Fair enough. I’m an Uh Merikin but prefer English & Irish beers and liquors. No offense meant.
OB1— No believing nothing certainly doesnt help… but then it makes death a lot easier, as you know that nothing awaits you.
Thats the thing, I am not a person that does not know what I want to do.. im a musician, love to write music, im a good singer… however I just dont have the motivation to go with it.
Im no complete loner, i have friends but I do like to spend a good bit of time alone, and could never cope with fame.
Music is probably the only thing keeping me alive right now, and alcohol of course.
Lucy4– I never took offense, sorry if it seemed I did.
Well, alcohol is fine in moderation. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that!
As for the music, I think it’s cool that you have that. I guess my advice would depend on where you are with your music. Is it your paid profession or just something you do on a casual basis after work/college?
If it’s the latter, I guess I would just advise you not to heap any pressure on yourself. If you have days, weeks even, when you aren’t motivated towards writing or playing music, then don’t. And don’t worry about it. Just come back to it naturally when you feel like it. There is no rulebook that says you have to play for a set number of hours each day, or write a certain number of songs each week. Work at your own pace and be happy with that.
I’m with you on the fame thing. I can’t think of anything worse than being famous. I love being anonymous and being able to go to the shops or wherever and have no one recognise or bother me. Obviously if you wanted to become a known performer, fame (to some degree or other) is something you would have to come to terms with. But, if that’s not your aim, you could just focus on writing songs for other people to perform, or for you to perform in a studio etc. Once again – it’s your choice and you must do what’s right for you.
Well having a gun and holding it at the temple of your head is easy, but the heard part is how the gun works. Pulling the trigger. It simpler to me, because I already have. Unfortunately for me the bullet jammed in the barrel of the gun before it could pierce my skull. But the fact that that had happened was like a sign to me that I should live. I’m an atheist as well so I don’t think ‘god’ stopped that but some alien type force could have stopped it (I believe in aliens). And as for you living in Ireland, I’m 95% sure you’re a ginger. And as a fellow ginger I suggest you don’t let our redheaded gene die out. 🙂
@ cold_blooded_freak; So maybe aliens stopped you from killing yourself because they want to create a redheaded hybrid? Aliens have a secret desire to mate with Gingers? I always figured they were bald. So they’re after the redheads, huh? Interesting.
@lucy4
Eh, m mind is open to possibilities. We never know what’s out there until we see it.