alovelywaits

I still have my whole life ahead of me.
But will I make it?
My parents fight and fight.
My dad shouts and yells.
I get scared. I cry. I just can’t anymore.

Sometimes I think to myself that the situation could be a lot worse. Why am I sitting here crying when I have it better than most. I have a good home, good relatives, a good school. We always celebrate holidays, get presents, and go on vacation. So sometimes I hate myself when it seems like I have it all. All except one thing. Happiness. And parents that […]

A while back, I wrote about the meaning of friends…I said they were worthless, unneeded, unnecessary.

When my birthday came around, I had a friend make me a homemade card, we celebrated, I was happy. That’s why friends are important. They take your mind away from the things that trouble you. Friends care about you and they show it with not just words, but actions. While I was in school with summer nearing, I feared we would forget about each other, just like all the others. But I was thrilled to find out that they had planned a sleepover and I was invited. […]

When life is out of hand.
I don’t know what to do, so I cry.
My tears to sleep, my heart to beat.
My phone becomes a tool to alleviate my woes. It has all the answers, mostly. The only thing I can control. When I’m sick, I google, and keep it to myself. When I’m sad, I ask my phone “why am I sad?”, I get the answer. Is it depression or anxiety? Both. But I keep it to myself. Self diagnosing, but I know deep down it’s true. But when there are no answers. And I don’t know what to do. […]

Sometimes I feel so hurt that I want to die
That I want to hurt someone else.

I feel broken.
I feel worthless.
I feel like hell.
Because no one knows me.
I’m bottled up inside myself.
I feel like if I scream.
It could travel for miles.
My rotten self screaming for eternity.
Am I really that bad?

4 am
Sleep deprived
Have to wake up in 2 hrs
Don’t want to sleep
Instead stay typing typing typing
Addicted to this bright screen light
My only hope and happiness
Don’t want to sleep
But I must

What is love? Why do kids have crushes? Why do they seek love from another at such a young age. Only those who have seen “love” don’t seek it from others. I have seen “love” that turned into hatred so quickly. I am afraid to love. Afraid to feel. Because love can cause only troubles. Mishap. Your love will move on. Love will not stay. It is a shifty thing. Why love at this age?

What is the point of friendship? Do we seek others’ validation? Friends aren’t always there for you. Sometimes you have to keep secrets from your friends. Can’t tell them why you’re unhappy. Eventually friends will leave you. Move on with their lives. Can’t be burdened by your troubles.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone even remembers. The time I broke down in tears in front of my class. My dad was arguing. They talked about divorce. But I really cried because he said my mom was grounded from seeing her family (relatives). I hated that he yelled. And I tried to stop my tears before I got to school. Was this in 3rd, 4th? I was just so sad. A girl, Lily, asked me if I was okay at my locker. I couldn’t hold it in, and I just cried then and there. I had to go out of class to calm down. One […]