I thought I was getting better. I’m fighting so hard. I’m on meds now but all I feel is sick and spacey. Why can’t I find the strength to end my life? I’m so lost.
Just when you think things are looking up and getting better, life finds a way to deepen the pain. Am I being tested? Is this some cruel joke? I’m getting exhausted fighting on each day to avoid hurting my parents and friends. I like to imagine they’re just pretending to care to make it easier for me to go, but I know it isn’t true. I started praying to God again for help, something I haven’t done in 3 years. Things have only gotten worse since then. Maybe I just want to believe that I’m not in control of my own destiny, because me in […]
Once again I failed to go through with it. I’m starting to look more like a whiny attention seeker with each post. Maybe I just want this broken heart to heal and the suffering to go away. I will try and stop my posting.
I’ve fought so hard and I just can’t fight anymore. The pain has too strong a hold of me and tonight I hope to blow my brains out and be released from its grasp. I will post an update should I be unsuccessful. Good night and hopefully goodbye everyone.
Three weeks ago, I posted what I had hoped was the last thing I’d ever write. Fast forward three weeks and I am still here, afraid to kill myself. I know how I want to do it, I know what needs to be done to end it. I’ve lost my girlfriend, distanced myself from friends and family as much as possible, written my notes, everything is in order. Despite all these things, I am still so afraid to attempt suicide again because I am afraid to fail for a second time. I ask myself every day why I am here, why I allow myself to […]
I am new to the site as a member but I’ve read through many posts throughout all my dark times. This will be my first and only post. It is my way of saying good bye. I cannot handle the pain any more. Ever since I was 12 I’ve thought of suicide. Each year that goes by it gets stronger, darker, and harder to cope with. Now that I am almost finished with college, I have realized how unfit I am for this life. The stress, the expectations, I just can’t do it. I’m such a shitty waste of space and a burden to everyone […]