Final Thoughts

I am new to the site as a member but I’ve read through many posts throughout all my dark times. This will be my first and only post. It is my way of saying good bye. I cannot handle the pain any more. Ever since I was 12 I’ve thought of suicide. Each year that goes by it gets stronger, darker, and harder to cope with. Now that I am almost finished with college, I have realized how unfit I am for this life. The stress, the expectations, I just can’t do it. I’m such a shitty waste of space and a burden to everyone around me. Now that my girlfriend has left me, I feel no obligation to stay. I never deserved her and she’ll be so much better off without me in her life and without me in the world. The pain has caused me to be self-destructive for so many years and it costs me everything i care about.  All I’ve done the last month is waste away, crying and thinking of all the different ways I can die. I do not know why I am unable to go through with it. It’s pathetic how I wish for death every day and obsess over it but can’t get the job done. Maybe it’s because I needed to share my thoughts with people who understand and won’t try to make me get more help. I’ve been through plenty of therapy and medication, and it does nothing to ease the pain. I’m tired of being a burden, I’m tired of suffering, and I think this week is where I finally go to sleep forever. I thank you for listening to my final thoughts, I apologize if it sounds whiny or disorganized, and I wish you all the best whether you are in the same boat as me or have found a way out of the hell they call depression. Good bye