I don’t know whether it’s wanting to be saved and know I’m loved because of somebody, or if I really just want a boyfriend/girlfriend/friend. I don’t know. I feel so confused. And conflicted. I just keep dreaming and needing for.. something. I’m not really sure what of yet. I can’t really decipher my dreams that well you know. Anyways, I just am feeling like I’m craving to be loved, touched, felt, understood by someone who truly cares and wants to know me, and all these things. Like, I have a whole list of things that I would feel if I were with somebody, and a […]
The first time I tried to kill myself was on November 3rd 2012.
I was friends with this girl Tori, and then one day, for no reason I know of, she changed. She hated me. I didn’t know what I did. But that week after she changed was hell for me. She called me things, made fun of me, tripped me, hit me. And on that day, I’d had enough. When I get on the bus, I instantly regretted it. It’s like I could feel that I was going to go home and kill myself. My bus stop is the first one, right before hers. When […]
My mother is the most rude, annoying, bitchy, stupid, uncaring, unlovable person I’ve ever met. I swear she’s most of the reasons I want to die. It’s like there’s nothing I can do to make her happy. I try so hard to do the best I can, and it’s never enough. Since I moved here seven years I’ve been on all the honor roles, gotten almost all A’s, and never done anything bad but a smoked a couple of joints now and then. And she doesn’t even know about that.
God, I just hate her so much. A child shouldn’t hate their parent this much. It’s […]
I was born on December 16th 1998 into a loving supportive family, I don’t know how I ended up like this.
My mother was a tattoo artist, and my father a truck driver. They were too busy when I was a child to take care of me, so I had to go to daycare. The first time I was called a bad name was in that daycare. Ever since that day I’ve never forgotten everything I’ve ever been called. And that was also when the nightmares started. I don’t know if they were interconnected, or whether I just made it all up to get over it, […]
People underestimate how much music means to me. They have no idea that music is the only thing keeping me from a mental institute. Music does so many things for me. It keeps the monsters of the night away, it pushes away all feeling cutting couldn’t. It keeps my anxiety down, and calms me when I need it. It’s the only thing I’m alive for. The depression, the anxiety, the eating disorders, the bipolar, the ADHD, the personality disorders, they’d all be 20 times worse without music.
And trust me when I say I’d be dead by now. Without music, I wouldn’t have that one song […]