Wow..so that was Christmas. No gifts, no family, no friends, no hugs.
Maybe I was counting on the holiday to cheer me up a bit..I dont know why.
We never really “celebrated” Christmas in my house with such nonsense. There were never any gifts since I can remember. My parents always thought that since they never got Christmas presents when they were kids, that we never needed them. *shrug* fine. Never surrounded by family..it’s just another day. You know my year had to be pathetic when I counted on the most depressing holiday for me to cheer me up. hah.
I guess, love, laughs, and hugs was what I […]
Sweet dreams are made of death
who are you to disagree?
Slicing me open and letting me bleed
Afterlife is soon to be coming
Some of you want to abuse me
Some of you keep on misusing me
Some of you want to accuse me
Sometimes, quite often, death means being free
Somewhere in the cold, I wandered, holding my coat, arms criss-cross my heart. For what? It will never be warm again.
Never will my heart share the wonderful Pain of Love with some Amazing Jerk. No, Prince Charming will never kiss my lips and hold me tight, and I won’t live happily ever after.
What afterlife awaits a soul like mine, unable to be loved and unable to love correctly, but a gruesome one? An afterlife that only I deserve, consumed by darkness, frost, and pain.
Suffer I will, for the life I tried to live but failed miserably at. A game that I am […]
I swear this fire doesnt burn
And darkness saves me
The bloody hateful world, it turns
And empty tears break free
I’ll be just fucking fine
With your guts off my mind
Youre the reason why my soul
Is so alone, Its so alone
I know you hate me
I know you’d turn me inside out
And walk about my bloody organs
In those boots you brag about
And i’ll be just fucking fine
With your guts off my mind
youre the reason why my soul
Is so alone, Its so alone
It’s So Alone
Fuck, my life is one big joke
I stood outside the window as the wind and cold played its part in making me numb enough to watch him cheat. I had just gotten home after I had been in the hospital for 2 weeks, and had gone to visit him to see what project had kept him busy enough to only allow him the time to see his ill girlfriend once during her time in the hospital.
I heard her moaning as I approached the door, and naturally I had to see with my own eyes, so I peered into the window with the slit in the curtains.
It was her, a […]
If anyone here would like to talk, i’m open for talking. I’m a great listener and I do express concern to the best of my abilities(which isnt much but it is my best)
I’m not sleeping anytime soon and would enjoy reading your stories.
Email me. RainAlicia@ymail.com
Acid drips sickly from black hearts
Fuck the world, save the arts
Crash the car, save the parts
Then let the armageddon start
‘Cause only then will the hearts of men be cleansed, so fuck this world of sin
….Just fuck the heartless world im in.
Ive lost a lot recently, including my self respect, my pride, and my sense of care.
I feel like a zombie. Just wandering throughout my life, devouring the souls of people who seem to be alive.
I know for certain that there is no more good left in the world.
It started when He took him…then Her. The only two people left whose hearts were as pure as God’s fingertips.
And when those parts of me fell off, I tried, really, to forget and build new relationships with new people but I have failed me greatly.
My mind has told my heart that I will […]
That night…tall grass bathed in moonlight. The stars sparkle brightly as the North Pole’s breath travels down to where we are and dances across your cheek. Tall grass and white flowers..in that place  next to the brook and that wise old tree. We would stretch out between the roots under the spot where you carved our initials when we were young. The place where we fell in love, where you first tried to kiss me and I pulled away and ran as you chased me until i tripped over a secret root and you fell on top of me. Dear God we were only 13 and 14 […]
The wonder of the world is gone, I know for sure.
All the wonder that i want, i found in her.
When the whole becomes apart, I strike to burn and no flames return.
Every intuition fails to find it’s way
one more table turned around and back again
Finding I’m more lost and found when she’s not around
When she’s not around, I feel it coming down.
How can I have You when everbody wants your soul
Skye…I miss you. </3
Lost without you…
Birthday was a couple days ago…i’m 19 now…how many more years must I endure of this life? How many more years must pass before my birthday is even remembered? 10/11 marked the day that I realized what my worth truly is, how little anyone cared, and that I just breathe to pass the time.
I bought myself a cupcake today since I never did get around to celebrating it.
I whispered a wish as I blew the lonely candle out.
Birthday wishes arent real…for I am still alive.
Its been a while since ive posted. or…i believe its been a while..idk days run together and weeks become years.
I do need help and I do need someone to talk to about whats going on…since the people who posses the skill to listen to me no longer exist, i have taken comfort in food…ive gained 5 pounds since last week…God, i dont need this. I dont need to gain weight on top of feeling ugly and disgusting as it is. Yet another problem..something added to the list of things i have to deal with. Its 10 minutes till 6 in the fucking morning…I woke […]
I got out of bed earlier, made and poured myself a hot cup of tea.
As I stirred my tea gently and slowly, my mind began to percieve it as a pattern..sort of a beat.
Swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..
Words began to play like a song in my head..in a really soft high-pitched voice
Sharp knives and blood
Like sugar and tea
Sweetly come together to comfort me
End the suffering now
turn out the lights
Death is not so bad
Take your life
Take your life
Take your life
Take your worthless life
This was replayed twice until I was jolted out of the lullaby by the sound my phone […]
Goodbye, so long, farewell. This is the end of the chapter
Goodbye, Goodbye, so long, farewell. I’ll see you again in the afterlife.
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion’s gone away
And I don’t need no carryin’ on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces everytime
And I don’t need no carryin’ on
Cause you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
Series of unfortunate events leads to depression
Depression leads to cutting
Cutting repulses people
Tries not to cut
Acts fine to others
Teenager somehow gets through high school without friends
Teenager doesnt know where to fit in..
Sits by herself at college lunch table
……….Almost invisible……….
Endures things happening
Handling things she shouldnt be able to handle
Doesnt want to handle anymore
Decides to give up
Disappears forever…
*stands up*
Hello. My name is Rain. I currently suffer from depression and heartbreak. I also have an addiction to people and cutting.
I understand that my addiction to people stems from my fear of being alone. I’m currently working on my addiction to people by turning off all care I have for anyone other than my immediate family. Since yesterday I have not helped or checked on anyone, given out hugs or kisses, or spoken to anyone face to face about my problems. I’m here tonight because i am currently having people withdrawals and […]
I was watching a short youtube video and the lady described dying somewhere in it. She was being choked out in a terrible situation and she closed her eyes and after a while, all she saw was white and she felt herself slipping deep into her mind and she couldnt feel any pain and she had no worries she said it was like an escape from what was happening to her. She described it as if she were dying but i knew she was just passing out from a lack of blood/oxygen flow to her brain.
This made me think…being free from my situation and the pain I feel […]
The fabric of my life.