Thinking about it all, it just makes you shake. When you keep running from something that will probably hunt you down your entire life, it really makes you paranoid. It really puts you on edge and makes you seem crazy to the masses. I’ve been shaking uncontrollably for days, and I keep trying to convince myself I’m only cold. Truth be told, the past is sneaking up on me and the anxiety is crashing in around me. I haven’t talked to very many people about anything but common lighthearted conversation for the past few days. I’m too timid. I fear I might say something that […]
BrightsideUltimatum
BrightsideUltimatum
19 going on 40. Suffering Avolition,Insomnia, OCD and Manic Depression Big dreams, big heart, big head. Delightfully shameless. A monster with no claws, a compassionate wild thing. Eccentric, passionate, emotional, affectionate, and tenaciou1. Living in a world brought to life by words. Drunken, recovering ex-smoker barely keeping out of the looney bin. Emotionally invested. Slightly broken, slightly mental.
I felt like a puppet, my wrists and ankles and all of my bends really were weak. I lowered myself into the water and tried to hope I wouldn’t sink. But I did, I hoped I would sink. I did sink. I let the violent air escape my lungs into the water, and I just screamed into the seemingly endless dark of the pits below. Eventually I forgot about needing to breathe. I just stayed under, my lungs perfectly comfortable where they were, almost as if they were not new to death. But then I felt the pulse of my ever-so-human heart ceasing. I realized […]
Washing away the dead butterflies is something I never get better at doing. I wash away the blues and greens and yellows and all of that red. That scarlet relief is instantly satisfying as it circles the drain and fades into the pipes. I scratch at the healing scars and I have to wonder, what would he have said? But suddenly I don’t care, because for one split moment even through the disappointment and the hurt and the slight guilt…there cuts another razor – a razor of peace and quiet. All of a sudden, everything is quiet and calm. My mind has rested, my body […]