She sat in her small chair
while the pair of glasses
with the big desk
scribbled notes.
Not heart words,
though she tried to show him,
tried to take him with her
to her blue-green world.
All he could create
was black marking on a page.
Not her page,
her world.
So she simply decided
to stop speaking,
fearing he would scribble more
plastic words
trying to make sensible something
nameless
something that floated her away
in the night.
 I wrote this thing, showed it to someone, sent them a copy and have now read virtually the same piece of writing(with someones else’s name on), only slightly rehashed. Don’t ask me why the big things that have happened to me have left me crawling around like a wounded animal, but a little thing like theft of my inner most thoughts – has got me PISSED OFF.Â
Because I’ve been down and insecure I’ve let certain people make me feel like I should apologize for my existence. Warning;Â about to state the obvious:Â I have every right to be here, breath this air, walk this land as […]
I haven’t written for awhile. Im doing this from my iPad something’s happened. Someones told me again that I mean nothing. I mean he made me get very upset, he wanted to come see me, I wasn’t sure, i told him I wasn’t, because I’m so messed up right now, and he got angry, Â cold, stone cold. But I was crying and looking at the kitchen knives and he practically laughed, and said he was busy, basically that He has a life. I know how pathetic this sounds, but noe Iwant to, I’m thinking of really doing this.
people told me he is a psychopath, that […]
Dear sp, don’t comfort me, I’ve done something terrible. I let my family influence me once again. I’m leaving this place – not killing myself, just leaving my family. Im different maybe than all of you. I think you’re nicer than me. Â whatever I ever wrote on here was sincere, from my heart, but it’s not enough. I’m weak. Everyone has been so caring and helpful.
The one part of myself I thought was ok is gone.
I’m just a fuck up. I just absolutely fucking hate myself.
Im on this roller coaster and I don’t remember buying a ticket. The last 2 days have been exhausting. Â I’ve been getting very low then thinking wait it’s okay maybe, then down again. I literally just ended up sitting on the floor hugging my knees and crying..
ps, i DO try, because I think I read on here yesterday about people not trying and it really pissed me off because what one person sees as someone not trying might be that person trying very hard. well, that is a very confusing sentence but you know what I mean. Â But I better just calm down or I’ll […]
A story I wrote when I was 8.
“If I was a snake I’d live in a woods where no people were living. I’d sleep under a log on soft moss. Every time I was hungry I would look for insects to eat. If any people ever did come in the woods I wouldn’t bite them but I’d just hide somewhere.   I think i would like being a snake. “
I have nothing clever or profound to write. I’m just sad tonight and lonely and was crying- just pathetic. but it’s the truth. I’m feeling so alone and messed up this week. I was better last week, some stuff happened, nothing major, but it’s completely derailed me. Does that happen to anyone else? It’s so soul destroying. I have to get up off the floor once again.
At least crying made me feel some relief, some pain went away and I can feel a little,. But I was afraid if my brother wasn’t here I was going to run into the woods with the kitchen knife.
So […]
I wanted say thank you to the people who helped me last night, I was in pretty bad shape, I do feel somewhat n better. your words really helped me and knowing people out there care.
i don’t even know what to write. i had a kind of crisis within myself today. i do’t really know what happened. i just fell. i felt nothing and then i felt sick and then i just .. i dont know. and the person i reached out to got very angry at me. and now wont answer my calls. and i keep thinking i cant feel worse,and then i do. this is worse than the despair, sadness, worse because it feels empty, void of feeling , even bad feelings. the only thing i feel is fear.
no, i do feel llike crying. i am not even […]
A song I like about hiding behind a mask.
https://soundcloud.com/artsandcrafts-1/07-the-truth
I don’t know how to make this a picture but click on the word you can see the cows at the farm I go to to get milk. They have the whole field to themselves and only a few are milked – and the others just hang out for months eating grass.
I love the light tan one on the right, but the one next to the spotty one was making me a little nervous. Â =)
ps. its one of the few places that makes me happy lately. =)
this is so beautiful
it calms me right down
like a river with the water slipping over the rocks sparkling with sunlight in the water
just calms me down
http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=767119&ac=now
i’m not on drugs
i’m not on drugs
i’m not on drugs
but i think i’m melting
into you…
. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â feed the fire
. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â feed the fire
. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â feed the […]
Vaccines were developed and penicillin discovered and it seemed like a miracle. It stopped vast numbers of people from dying. But when plagues happened and other sicknesses it was a natural way to reduce the population. With less people there would be less competition, less stress, and a better chance for survival.
Just something I’ve been thinking about. I get on these tangents! 😐
Ps, is that a horrible thing to think? I worry I’ve gotten really twisted.
Pps, it’s not that I would like innocent people to die
Today I went to a farm and got some milk and visited the baby cows. (Oh my god, I sound like I’m 5) I really did, isn’t that sad? I talked to the baby cows and they were so cute and I actually felt they accepted me. I’m sure they looked at me in an accepting way. It’s the most social I’ve been in awhile. There was a rooster too, but I didn’t talk to him. They had this tea called kumbuchu? And it’s almost like hard cider , it’s kind of giving me a buzz. That was all after I’d gotten lost for an […]
I’m just watching the sun go down, the birds are singing, listening to music and wondering, why is everything so hard? where do things go so wrong? how you can be going along, everything is fine, you are fine, it’s all smooth and then, one small seemingly nothing wrong turn, and it all spins away. But I’ve been drinking wine and I never drink lately. Wish I was 10 years old swinging in the sunshine. I did have a piece of happiness for a minute. And it was magic.
Sorry, I’ve tried, and can’t figure it out. Thanks.
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