Author

c-ta

i'm c-ta, just some depressed kiddo who likes cats and coffee a lot.

lately

by c-ta 11/4/2020

written by c-ta

lately i’m in constant turmoil. i need attention. i’m not getting it. i feel worn and dry, failure after failure.

the good news is i finally got diagnosed; persistent depression, generalized anxiety, and social anxiety. i’ve been a little obsessed with my diagnoses but they have been so close to me all these years without ever being fully present or known. and now they are.

i’m trying but i’m so close to hurting myself again. i don’t want to bother others with it. i feel like it’s not cared for, anyways, or if i even do resort to that i’ll only be met with anger. i feel […]

11/4/2020 2 comments

Long rant,

by c-ta 1/21/2019

written by c-ta

It’s been exactly a year now since I last posted to this website, which is sort of weird. I like the format of it, so I desperately looked for it and finally found it!

For some BG information (if it’s helpful I guess lol ig it helps me!), I’m 16 (17 in April) and FTM but not at all out to most people close to me in my life, especially including close family. I have a history of self-harming since I was about 12 years old, and my parents became aware of it 1-2 years ago. I have stopped as of now but have relapsed a […]

1/21/2019 4 comments

by c-ta 1/18/2018

written by c-ta

i’m sort of bored and out of touch with reality as per usual at this point but i just thought it would be sort of nice to post some past kinda sad things i’ve written, i guess they’re like poetry but it’s mostly random thoughts. I think the last one resonates the most.

i’m scared i can’t meet anyones expectations, including my own maybe.
but that doesn’t matter as much
if that’s correct i’m truly sorry and i’d do so much for anything to stay the same.
i’m just worried overly most likely but i can’t just ignore my anxieties

–

spontaneously wanting to die and feeling even […]

1/18/2018 2 comments

i am uncertain

by c-ta 1/16/2018

written by c-ta

i’ve been continuously browsing many websites that have suicide related content, although i don’t think i’ve gotten very far. i think this is one of the websites that stood out to me though, so i guess that’s why i’m taking the time to post here at all.
i’ve just been feeling very dull lately and i crave any sort of unusual experiences, especially with my own strange feelings that i really don’t like discussing openly or anything else. i’ve been disconnected from reality more and more lately, but i’m really okay when i need to be (such as when i’m in public spaces, school, etc).

1/16/2018 4 comments