I think this is it. I’ve become a junky in my depressed state as I constantly find ways to escape my thoughts. I’ve no money left now so this is finally it. 2 weeks maximum. You guys all know things don’t get better and I’m here as the proof that it doesn’t, at least not in my case. My psychologist is the only one who knows how bad I am and how long its been its time I stop wasting money on her and let her see someone whom’s light has not completely gone out. Thanks for always being here my sp friends x
Ok so my new psych basically told me that if I continue to take drugs she can’t see any point in us trying to work on things. Jesus the fact im takin so many drugs is because I hate life so much and need help before I do actually succeed in my attempts. If this is the help I get then quite frankly, I can do without being made to feel like a useless junkie.
If I was real and told my new psychologist that I’m trying to get hold of enough heroin to od on, or my exit bagplan. I wonder if I told her I dream of diving off the m4 bridge would she offer some support? Or will I simply be locked up again? Should I be honest, can they really help me then?
I’m exhausted. January 2nd was my date. All set then I had a psych assessment appt come through so I thought I’d move it to the 3rd… Then a job interview on the 4th ok so the 4th is my day. Fucks sake! How do you people not notice? A psych evaluation where I pour my heart out about how I’m not going to be here next week and still evokes nothing? Why am I surprised tho? This system has failed me so many times so I should know right? Wrong, my selfish, self involved side took over and thought someone would give a […]
I’ve put my affairs in order, my letters are written and an apology letter to the person who finds me. my method is unclear but it’ll probably involve a hotel room with me handcuffed the bed, overdosing and placing an exit bag  over my head. I will take a months worth of prescriptions along with co coda mol and anything else I find. I’ll give myself the date of January 2nd. I already feel calmer knowing I’ve got things in order. Sweet relief here I come. No more flashbacks, no more bulimia, depression or suicidal thinking, this is it and I cannot wait. January 2nd […]
I think it is, the end. There’s been no reprieve for me from this misery of a depression.
i reached out the other day and told my social worker everything I’d done in the last weeks in an attempt to get some understanding. I told her I tried to jump off the motorway bridge but didn’t think it was high enough to kill me plus what also stopped me was I don’t want to cause an accident for someone else. With this in mind I said my only option to kill myself  was to do it in the car the good ole fashioned way with a […]