You can’t say I didn’t try!

I’m exhausted. January 2nd was my date. All set then I had a psych assessment appt come through so I thought I’d move it to the 3rd… Then a job interview on the 4th ok so the 4th is my day. Fucks sake! How do you people not notice? A psych evaluation where I pour my heart out about how I’m not going to be here next week and still evokes nothing? Why am I surprised tho? This system has failed me so many times so I should know right? Wrong, my selfish, self involved side took over and thought someone would give a shit but NO. Everything’s exactly as I thought, I was right, nothing gets better unless I take my beloved meow. I don’t wish to live as a junky really but in all honesty that is all I have left that gets me the closest to happiness for any length of time. Tell me should I just keep going chasing the high or give in? I truly, truly have no idea anymore.