I have had severe anxiety and depression for seven years. A month ago chronic lower back and hip pain developed, and five days ago I started getting severe headaches above and behind my right eye every day starting at 1:00 pm and ending at about 5-6:00 pm. On top of it all I am currently teetering between a whole series of panic attacks and a full fledged depression, and I assure you that it will be a fun game to find out which side of the fence that I will fall on this time. I can handle the physical pain with out the emotional and I have been able […]
Do you hate yourself? Do you have thoughts that run in your head over and over until you have to say them out loud? Thoughts like, I am worthless, I am dirt, I am ugly, I am an idiot, nobody cares about me and if I live or die, or the worst thought of all: you should just go ahead an kill yourself. Do you feel completely alone? Do you question the motives of those who want to get close, do you even try to drive them away? Do you blame yourself for everything, including things that should not be your fault? Do you hurt […]
Being alone is the worst. Its when no one is there to remind you that you are loved and the only company you have is yourself and your thoughts. This is when you remind yourself that you are worthless and that you just want to disappear from this world and this life all together. You never cut yourself or burn yourself or hurt yourself when you are with others. It is always when you are alone. The worst part of being alone is that there is no one to tell you that things will get better and there is no one to have hope for […]
I am on klonopin and abilify and it had been working really really well for a few months. But now, even though nothing in what I take, how I take it, and when, its stopped working and I have regressed. Now everything is worse than it was before, I rarely feel anything and when I do its usually intense anger or sadness and I have started cutting again. My therapist wants me to consider inpatient therapy but there is such a stigma that I am afraid because I dont want people looking at me like I am a crazy person. Suicide is a thought that […]
I have only ever felt so left out and so alone last year, and the year before, and the year before, and so on, and I will feel this way again next year. This on top of my everyday struggles makes me wonder if it is all worth it? That and the knowledge that nobody gives a shit about me makes me wonder if I will even see tomorrow. I think I am going to throw in the towel.
It has almost been seven years since you were taken away from me. Every holiday, especially Mother’s Day, your birthday, and the anniversary are particularly hard for me. However, what is killing me is that I cannot remember how your voice sounded, how you smelled, whether your hands were soft or rough, how it felt to be hugged by you. With every passing day your memory gets fuzzier. And I am in so much pain because I have had to grow up without you surrounded by people who do not appreciate their own mothers. I hate how people make passing comments about “my mom” without […]
I need someone to talk to about how I have been feeling. I have tried reaching out to my boyfriend and he simply does not understand. I know that life will never get better and I feel trapped, helpless, and hopeless. I need to talk to someone who feels the same way so that I know that I am not alone.
I know that suicide is not an option because I love to many people, and I do not want to hurt them. But the idea of killing myself becomes more and more attractive everyday. How unhappy I truly am is invisible to everyone that I love, and I am invisible too. I am so tired of being lonely and giving my all to people who do not care for me in return, and those who once did care about me go away eventually because I am not worth it to them. I try hard to make everyone around me happy but it never seems to […]
I am a burden on everyone that I love, and it would be best if I wasn’t around at all to bother anyone anymore.
I am stressed and live with high anxiety all the time. It is to the point when I do not even remember what life is like without constant pressure and I am only 21. I understand that life is stressful, that there will always be things that upset me, and that since I have survived much more difficult times in my past. But it is exhausting to just survive at this point, and it seems to be only getting worse. Before I can resolve one problem or stressor another one comes up, and then another and then another, and the stress and anxiety I live […]