I know that suicide is not an option because I love to many people, and I do not want to hurt them. But the idea of killing myself becomes more and more attractive everyday. How unhappy I truly am is invisible to everyone that I love, and I am invisible too. I am so tired of being lonely and giving my all to people who do not care for me in return, and those who once did care about me go away eventually because I am not worth it to them. I try hard to make everyone around me happy but it never seems to be enough. I want to have a long and happy life with every fiber of my being, but that does not seem to be in the cards for me. I wish I could just disappear all together. I was supposed to have died 7 years ago, and I wish I did. Hope has been slipping through my fingers since then like sand, and I am clinging to the last grain.
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Hi cbrown… I’m glad you wrote that suicide wasn’t an option for you… and that you want to have a long and happy life. It is possible. Yes… There are many days in which things seem pretty stressful… and it can be difficult to find the light. People who don’t care for you don’t have your best interest at heart. It’s important for you to sometimes be your best friend and your best ally. If you don’t look out for yourself, things become difficult. About those true friends who went away… Maybe there are things that they and you could have done differently. Sometimes when things are stressful, some people tend to pull back a bit. That could make a friendship difficult.
As you keep moving forward, you’ll undoubtedly meet new friends. And that’s fits into the next step… figuring out how to move forward. What do you want to do? What werr/are your goals? Who/What can assist you in getting there? Map out a strategy for yourself… Chase your dreams… Give yourself some purpose. At the end of the day, you’ll probably be a little further ahead. Above all… Don’t stop trying. Don’t lose that hope.