Do you hate yourself? Do you have thoughts that run in your head over and over until you have to say them out loud? Thoughts like, I am worthless, I am dirt, I am ugly, I am an idiot, nobody cares about me and if I live or die, or the worst thought of all: you should just go ahead an kill yourself. Do you feel completely alone? Do you question the motives of those who want to get close, do you even try to drive them away? Do you blame yourself for everything, including things that should not be your fault? Do you hurt yourself? Do you have to stop yourself from stepping infront of a train or running a red light? Do you avoid more intensive treatments because you are scared to do something to help yourself, because you are scared of feeling happy, because you feel like you don’t deserve to be? Do you think every day of ending your life? Are you like me?
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No one can beat us up as much as we can, those negative thoughts tear us apart. Yes I have in the past had thoughts like that at every waking moment and even in dreams.
The difference today is that some of the things I tell myself are exactly true.