I thought I had ditched this site for good, thought I finally had my life in order, but hey look at me here I am again. And I’ve probably got a hundred new cuts coming along with me too, another habit I thought I had ditched. I’m probably the closest I’ve ever been to ending it all right now, almost to the point of breaking completely. And my so-called “friends” are the ones that put me here. Thanks, guys. So glad that you guys care so much as to push me away and then cry because “I’ve been drifting away.” The boy I’ve only known […]
Recovery; it seems like it might be set in motion in just a few days. Either that, or I’m taking one gigantic leap back.
My parents are taking me to see a psychiatrist in just under a week. We’re going about my OCD. And although I’m happy to have help with that, I’m afraid the psychiatrist will see right through that first problem. He’s supposed to be the best around, so does that mean he’ll notice signs of other problems?
I want help for my OCD, and my OCD alone. I will not speak of my depression with my parents there. I will not speak of the self harm I once caused. I will […]
I’m afraid to lay my head down to sleep these days, because I’m not sure who I’ll be when I wake up. No one seems to understand my OCD, they can’t see that its eating me alive. It controls my thoughts and actions; so what is left? I’m loosing track of what is me and what is this disorder. I need help, but I’m afraid to ask. The thought of the normal treatment, antidepressants, scares me. I’m afraid to admit that I’m just another one of those kids that has been labeled with “gifted” intelligence, but fails to function as a normal human being. And what will I be […]
You’re finally reaching out. It’s like your finally getting a glimpse at how broken I am. You still don’t know about the scars on my wrist or the repulsive urge to kill myself that plagues me nearly every day, but you at least see me better. You see that I’m not sleeping enough, even if you just reprimand me for it instead of asking why I can’t sleep. You even asked me about my OCD today. You told me there is treatment for that. You asked if my patterns/symptoms were getting worse; I almost told the truth, I said they were starting to. You said I […]
What just happened?
Everything was going so well. It’s already seven p.m. and I haven’t felt suicidal all day. For me, that is a huge accomplishment. I spent the day with real smiles on my face. I felt like I was alive again. I thought “maybe everything will be all right now.”
I was wrong of course, I’m not all right.
Seven months. Seven fucking months I was cut free.
Not anymore. One cut, just one little slice and a few drops of crimson from that little shard of glass I keep in my room. Suddenly those seven months are gone. Just like that, one moment of weakness.
My promises are broken, the […]
Oh, hello again mirror girl
it hasn’t been that long.
You’re not looking very good today you know;
are those scars and almost tears I see?
could those be troubled eyes and a shaky heart?
Who gave you the right to be like this mirror girl?
Mommy won’t be proud anymore,
Daddy won’t want you around,
Brother won’t understand,
and Sister won’t even remember.
Oh, hello again mirror girl,
it’s certainly been some time.
You’re looking worse you know;
the scars are deeper and the tears are falling,
your eyes are more wounded and your heart more broken.
You have it good mirror girl,
you should be thankful for all you have.
The sufferings all in your mind,
so stop sitting and crying,
when your friends are […]