What just happened?
Everything was going so well. It’s already seven p.m. and I haven’t felt suicidal all day. For me, that is a huge accomplishment. I spent the day with real smiles on my face. I felt like I was alive again. I thought “maybe everything will be all right now.”
I was wrong of course, I’m not all right.
Seven months. Seven fucking months I was cut free.
Not anymore. One cut, just one little slice and a few drops of crimson from that little shard of glass I keep in my room. Suddenly those seven months are gone. Just like that, one moment of weakness.
My promises are broken, the cut free time is gone, and I’m reminded of just how much I love to see me bleed.
I don’t have anything to stop me from cutting now.
Because in the long run, what’s on more cut?
Or two more…
Or ten…
If cutting is a drug,then I’m an addict having a relapse.
3 comments
I understand. I went 5 months. And it is an addiction. Of course those who don’t cut can’t understand that. So it’s back to wearing bulky bracelets, feeling shame and guilt, but at the same time thinking “well, what’s done is done. Now I can do more”.
It sounds to me that you’ve made progress, that’s great. A person who eats healthy messes up and eats a burger. You have this addiction that you went without for 7 months and slipped, it’s okay. It’s not over, you can try this no cutting streak again and try to go longer. Soon enough I feel you could overcome the temptation.
It seems you had made such great process! What happen? I would say it’s an addiction, but what caused you to be tempted? If you ever need to talk, message me. I also agree with Skylit, messing up every now and then, it’s something which you can learn from. I wish you happiness and don’t give up! Struggles mean you’re fighting for something, don’t loose that or yourself.