its 1am and im just. really fucking struggling. i have two weeks left until my first semester of college is over and i want it to be done now. i was home for thanksgiving and have to get up in 5 hours to catch a train back to school but id literally rather die. i feel like i have nothing and no one to live for; my future feels bleak and everyone around me would surely be better off eventually if i were gone. im so fucking miserable all i wanna do is lay in bed and cry and self harm and listen to music, […]
i know it sounds dramatic, but i feel like there’s no point to anything. i am going to be going to college next year and the thought has lost nearly all of its shiny appeal as i realize how much crippling debt i will be in. there is no guarantee i will even be able to get a job after that, and even if i do, i will just spend the next 60 years of my life working to pay off the debt and killing myself day in day out at my job. i feel too toxic and too ugly to love and i dont know […]
i dont want help. i dont want kind lies about how i matter or how im worth something. i dont want someone to tell me that things get better. all i want is for someone to give me a gun and leave me alone to wander into the woods and blow my brains out in peace
its late, and nothing bad happened today, and im thinking about how im going to kill myself.
im not even crying anymore, just thinking. weighing the options. what method will leave my body a mangled corpse versus a peaceful one, where i should go to make sure its not my brother who finds me, what ways will have the best likelihood of successfully ending my life and where i would be able to get the supplies for those methods.
im not looking for advice, it’s just strange and lonely to feel so clinical about something that should probably make me upset. it doesnt anymore.
this is stupid i know, but does anyone else just feel so stupid lonely? im not even 20 yet so im still really young, i know that i am, but i cant help feeling so lame over this. i have a few friends i guess, but no one that really knows everything. no one has ever had a crush on me, ive never been kissed or gone on a date.
its hard to see my friends dating and breaking up and getting new SO’s when ive never even had one or had anyone vaguely interested in me. it definitely doesn’t help with my belief that […]
i have been thinking more and more frequently about suicide, i am relapsing in my eating disorder, my anxiety about my future is insurmountable, and i hate myself more than ever – you can see why im dreading health class this year. i will be surrounded by people i dont know and forced to sit and listen to talks about suicidal thoughts and the symptoms of eating disorders and write papers and take tests like i dont want to fucking off myself. just the thought of having to listen to all these different things that i secretly already understand far too well makes me want […]
for the past two nights my brain has been providing nonstop imagery of myself committing suicide. its graphic and disturbing and no matter what i do i cant get it to stop. i am almost in a panic from it and i feel incredibly terrible, i want to cut just to maybe get some peace but im a little scared ill actually kill myself this time because of the loop my brain is on. i dont know what to do
its midnight and im currently just falling apart. my brain wont shut up and ive been crying for two hours and i dont know what to do. i just feel lonely and useless and like i might as well not exist and im just so so tired of everything, i dont matter to anyone really and its just like theres no fucking point going on
anyone else make sure to comment on things that show 0? i feel like everyone deserves to be seen and acknowledged, especially here, where so many of us feel alone. i just think its a good philosophy to try to comment when you can, because it could really change someone’s day.
speaking of, have a good day everyone!
i feel so invisible lately
its painful, almost
how people can see me
and yet not see me
i feel like a ghost
or a dream
or some other overplayed metaphor
that people use
when really what they mean
is that no one gives a shit
about them at all
and it hurts like hell
because i know its my fault
but i dont know how
to fix it
am i even real?
am i even here?
if people look through
but not at you,
if they talk near
but not to you,
do you even really exist?
do i?
im new here, but only in posting. i have viewed this site more times than i can count when i have been feeling particularly badly, and today is just the day that i broke enough to make an account myself.
i am away from home at school this month, and i feel like im drowning. i was excited to come here because its a prestigious art school and it would give me an opportunity to learn over the summer and get college credits, and – i hoped – get away from the way i feel in my hometown. unfortunately, nothing has changed. i am still disliked […]