i cant its getting too much i want to finish now ill stall
another rock bottom after crest and trough, conscious choices and emotional choices still kinda confused despite knowing feeling hazy and hit hard unfairly a lot of times, used to think of just delays but now just laying on the ground motionless but also feeling like a rat in a rattrap , knowing rat is outside the rattrap, that hazy disillusioned confusion offered by time alone and pain associated with the same, freedom and desperation and hope in a paradoxical circle. god this is too much. not to add the figurative nightmares at night. and yeah some kind of new i dunno pain in my ribs […]
For the past week, I am not feeling myself lately and this is not relatively a new feeling, but this past week has been more aggressive than its ever been and culminating today was the disaster i dont wanna think it is , but dismissing so , would not just be denial but also forthright i donno what, i am at a loss for flowery words, right now the only thought pulsing through my mind, is that i have to end this the quickest way possible i want to jump off a cliff,possibly a tavern, hack my heart with an axe, bleed till i die, […]
funny entities with no strings attached no purpose or meaning to it – life and death
Power through,dredge through is boring.Everything in life is boring.Nothing has meaning or significance nowadays.There is an overwhelming feeling of nothingness which i cant put my finger on.Its just so bland. I dont even know y i should live.Ppl trying to support me or either hypocrites,manipulators,or who i perched on to on a mental construct sort of way to actually find a perch on. I dont think contrary to popular perceptions, any new entity , enviornment wise or barter wise or human wise will ever work , there is emptiness and cynicism and anger and i dont know i feel disable , just like the cup […]
I am new to this forum. And despite the anonymity,thanks to innocuous cynicism and paranoia being fed right from childhood,ill keep my story cryptic . Y does some denial despite denial of the denial or perception of the denial as redirection haunt for life…And when life gets through by the throat haunts life or worse looms large or looms subtle to penetrate and compulse or sometimes its just deserved so casually a privilege, which is denied outrageously because of no fault of yours eventually forcing to take the blame and cause obnoxious scandals which could ruin an already existing or non existing life.
Y beyond all […]