When I take that blade to my wrist
no one in the world exists.
And when when I think about it, cause I do
I truly do not think of you.
So why be sad or disappointed
when your not the one that I anointed.
So why care ? Cause you do
but why care? Â I wouldn’t if I were you.
She’s 13
and can already
tell you everything about
self destruction.
She can tell you how
to dress fresh cuts
in the dark with
makeshift bandages.
And which foods are easy
to throw up.
She knows a thousand
excuses,”I already ate”
“I’m just cold” , “the cat did it”
She learned to hold
all her feelings inside
until late at night
and cover her mouth
with her hand
so no one hears her.
She […]
I ask myself this question more often then others.
Why am I fucked up like this?
Why did I change from the old me?
Why do I hate myself?
I can’t answer all those questions maybe not even one, but I do know that
I feel this way and I think this is how others view me because this is how I see myself.
The girl who fucks up, the broken one.
I’m not a person I’m an element of the universe.
I just so happened to be picked to live the life I lived cause I know nobody could live it as bad as I do.
I ask myself ‘Why’ because I know […]
When I tell myself, “you can do it”
a part of me whispers “you can’t”.
When I tell myself to “Try Again”,
a part of me whispers “Give Up”
When i tell myself “There’s a better tomorrow “,
a part of me whispers “That was supposed to be yesterday”.
When I tell my self “I’m done”
a part of me whispers “Finally”
Give me a sign i want to believe
That life can be better, id do as i please.
With my last dream in my head
My last dream was when i wished i was dead.
Although my dream may not come true
They say follow your dreams and that just what ill do.
I guess im just Tired
Tired of being bitched about by my parents.
Tired of being laughed at.
Tired of being made fun of.
Tired of feeling ugly.
Tired of being ignored.
Tired of feeling unloved.
Tired of no one caring.
Tired of pretending to be happy.
Tired of being Tired.
Twinkle twinkle little star
please let me get hit by this car .
How I really want to die
jump off the roof and try to fly.
Twinkle twinkle little knife,
help me end my wretched life.
In the morning I want to die
in the morning I want to cry
in the morning they don’t see my tears,
in the morning they don’t live my fears.
And at night it’s even worse,
I think I have some type of curse.
at night I lie awake thinking, “Why am I still here?”
they don’t need me so now where?
And at night I lie awake
thinking about the morning.
The teardrops run down
And fall off her nose
She cries in dark corners were
nobody goes.
You can follow her tracks
from her eyes to her chin,
Years upon years of letting them win.
And her eyes tell a story
of anger and pain.
You think that’s she’s happy
but just look again.
And the scars in her past
hidden under her clothes
are a roadmap to places that nobody knows.
Her smile is now painted,
shes a master of disguise,
And you can see it […]
The water is clear
But your wrists are stained
Your face says happy
But your eyes say pain.
She claimed to be an artist
it wasn’t until two weeks later.
i found her.
Laying on the bathroom floor
crimson red carving on her canvas.
Rivers stain you, rivers are damp
acid stains you, drug ps cause cramps
guns aren’t lawful, nooses give
gas smells awful , might as well live.
A locked door, a rusty razor, a towel stained in red.
A folded note, a broken mirror, and a young girl lays there dead.
Their emotions tangle, the room begins to swirl she was mommy’s little angel
and daddy’a little girl
I think about it all the fucking time. It would be easy to end the pain, suffering, and self hate that I feel daily. No more depression. No more cutting. Just ignorant bliss. I don’t know what will happen but I do know it would be better than the misery I live now. I can’t live with myself. I am “living” in a constant hell and it’s killing me; it’s actually slowly driving me insane. So the question is how will I do it? There are so many different options; hanging, suffocation, drowning, slitting my wrists, overdose, jumping, electrocution and so much more. I’ve written […]
if I committed suicide…
I wonder how many
gasps,
cries,
screams,
tears,
or words will be spoken as a sign of love.
But them I remembered…
It’s 2:30 am and I’m
alone,
tired,
scared,
sore,
and silently screaming for help no one really
notices,
cares,
thinks,
shows any sort of affection.
if I commit suicide…
please don’t say you
loved me,
missed me,
cared for me ,
or found beauty within me,
or I should’ve tried harder.
Because […]
So let’s pretend that the pain I feel everyday is nothing.
Let’s make believe that life is totally perfect, and I’ve never been hurt.
And let’s laugh like our lives aren’t totally and completely screwed up.
Imagine :
your at the beach only you , you walk through the sand and turn to the ocean staring off into the horizon.
you feel this pull towards the ocean so you start walking in;
3ft. Calm cool collected staring at the beautiful sunset
6ft your paddling slowly wading in the water staring at the sunset still.
10ft your getting closer to the sunset seeing its beauty.
14ft you think how your getting back.
17ft you realize you can’t see the shore anymore.
19ft you wanna go back but you can’t you don’t know […]
I guess I’m just gonna list all the reasons I want to do this:
1. Let’s see my view on myself is a worthless piece of shit, I’m broken beyond repair and time is not healing me
im a person who is very self-destructive of herself its defiantly not okay.
2. I’m 13 fucking years old I shouldn’t have this view on myself but I do and really is it not sad?
3. I’m severely depressed like clinically diagnosed so I guess this was coming right?
4. I, a major fuck up and I don’t deserve to live […]
I had a dream once , that the gras was greener when I died
that the grass was greener On the other side.
but I came to find out that that was a lie,
the grass was burned on the other side.
Scorching hot and not remaining
My mind woke up no longer refraining.
I opened my eyes and there it was the
monster of lies, truth, and dispair.
I’m friends with that monster it’s my only hope,
I told my friends they thought it was a joke.
If your reading this now, know I’m not lying
and if I am I’m sorry Im trying.